Monday, November 2, 2009

from depression to obsession to depression

Suggested song to listen to while reading this post: "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey

Well buddy, you have certainly been doing the majority of the blogging for the past....six months. The tables certainly had turned, but my blogging hiatus is finally over. I hadn't posted because I so rarely have anything to say, and when I do have something to talk about, I usually have too much to say, and that keeps me away too. However, keeping with our new "themed" posts, I need to write about our favorite subject, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

If you were to flash back to June of this year, you would meet a girl unafraid of stumbling across butchered bodies in everyday life, a girl who did not wonder "If I was murdered right now, what would Elliot and Olivia uncover about my life during their investigation?" But after I moved in late June, I got depressed. I felt like a displaced person and I needed a break. Enter Instant Netflix, complete with Seasons 1-7 (they have since posted seasons 8-10 too) of Law and Order: SVU, which I had never seen. Remembering how much you liked it, I figured I'd watch an episode or two and see if I liked it. Cut too November 1st, just over four months later, you would see that same girl, depressed again, but for a very different reason. You see after watching one episode, that girl was so compelled, that she continued to watch, episode after episode, grizzly rape/murder/suicide after grizzly rape/murder/child abduction. And in a little over four months, she had watched her way through the entire series. Over 220 episodes. I am now completely up to date. And here I am, just like everybody else, anxiously waiting for the newest episode to be posted on iTunes. No new case to solve, no rules to bend, no new ADAs to constantly compare to the irreplaceable Alex Cabot. Let me tell you buddy, I don't like this new world. I don't like having some time to kill and not being able to fill that time with Elliot, Olivia, Munch, Finn and Alex. I don't like it one bit.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman... Helen?

Hello Reader(s)! I don't know what the response will be to my new goal of blogging about horror movies will be, but since it's the day before Halloween I figure it's a timely topic, whether it becomes a weekly thing or not. So I have decided to compile a list of scary movies for people who want to get in on the holiday spirit, but who don't actually like scary movies. I have a feeling this has been done before... but not by me!

Candyman (1992)
Candyman is a legitimately scary movie that has the potential to appeal to people who are not particularly interested in monster movies. Candyman features a strong script, a fantastic performance by Virginia Madsen, and a haunting score by PHILLIP FUCKING GLASS. Candyman is the story of University of Illinois graduate student Helen Lyle (Madsen) who is writing a thesis about urban legends. When she finds out from her cleaning lady that residents of a housing project attribute a series of murders in their neighborhood to the Candyman, Helen goes in to investigate the deaths. While the issue of a white savior coming in to rescue the helpless black folks is in full play here, Candyman deals with issues of race and class in a more complicated way than you might initially expect. Most of the scares for me came from Tony Todd's creeeeeeeepy voice-overs. There's not a lot of gore here, though there are a few bloody scenes. This movie does a great job of making you wonder if the main character is really seeing the Candyman or if she is just bat shit insane. Candyman is a very well made film, and so I think it is a horror movie for people who are just into movies... Did that sentence make sense or have meaning?

Bloody Mallory (2002)
One of the most entertaining horror comedies I've seen in years, Bloody Mallory is the story of a team of paranormal investigators/demon hunters who work for the French government and are called upon to save the life of a crotchety old Pope. The team consists of Mallory, who got into this work after accidentallyarrying a dddemone should have known he was evil because he had a soul patch), Vena Cava, a transgendered weapons expert with attitude, and Talking Tina, a 12-year-old mute telepath. When the Pope is kidnapped on French soil, the team is sent to a town populated by possessed worshipers of the fallen angel Abaddon to bring him back to safety. This movie also features a succubus with a giant clit on her forehead, which isn't as offensive as it sounds. This movie is completely ridiculous and a lot of fun, but it's not at all scary. Definitely a great movie for people who aren't into being scared to watch on Halloween.

Otto; or, Up with Dead People (2008)
This one is for all our readers who like to think. While the other two movies on this list are both available on Hulu, Otto is still doing the festival circuit, and so it's probably not a realistic Halloween treat for most people. If you do get the chance to see it though, I highly recommend it. I do not even know how to begin explaining the plot of this movie, since it's not really a standard narrative film. The synopsis given on the official website doesn't quite cover everything. Basically, a zombie gets cast in a movie about zombie rights, and the plot is about his experience as a gay zombie and the filmmaker's attempt to finish her masterpiece. The movie explicitly plays with the whole "zombies as a metaphor for political/social change" concept, and does it in a way that most zombie movies do not - it puts Otto in the midst of an existential crisis (I think). A warning; this film is extremely gory.

I would also like to recommendd Dead Snow (or Død snø, 2009) as a horror movie for people who like horror movies. This Norwegian movie about Nazi zombies has it all; blood, guts, sex, and snowmobiles. It is a definite treat for any zombie fan.

Happy Halloween!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Taking things in new and exciting directions!

In light of the fact that someone actually read our blog today (Leen will have more on that later), I thought I should update it!

Believe it or not, I've actually been thinking a lot lately about what would make me update this thing of beauty a little more regularly. I thought about maybe giving the blog a theme so that I could write about my interests. Then I thought about my interests.
  1. Law and Order
  2. Horror Movies
  3. Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me
I think it's pretty obvious what I have to do. I mean, there are already so many Wait Wait episode recap blogs out there, does the world really need another one?! So I'm thinking about Special Victim Sundays and Freaky Fridays or something like that. What do you think, buddy? Five days of the week to talk about WHATEVER WE WANT and two days of the week that we get to write witty and intellectually stimulating posts about my interests? What does our reader think?

Sunday, August 30, 2009

If They Can Do It So Can We: The Movie

I just saw Julie and Julia. Do you think someday, someone will make a movie out of our blog?

I hope we get Michael Bay.



Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Why We Are Friends


Though Leen and I have had several disagreements over the years, few have been so divisive as the Casey Novak v Alex Cabot debate. For those of you who don't know, Casey and Alex are fictional Assistant District Attorneys who prosecute the cases of the dedicated detectives of the Special Victims Unit on Law and Order, SVU. Alex Cabot served with dedication for nine years before a case involving a Colombian drug lord forced her into the witness protection program. Casey Novak was her replacement, and though Alex was a tough act to follow, Casey was as passionate and committed a public servant as ever worked at the District Attorney's office.

While I am completely head over heals for both of these characers, Leen has, for the past several months, insisted that Casey sucks. I feel that Casey's willingness to risk her career time and time again and to bend the rules in the name of justice make her a better attorney. It also got her disbarred, but that's besides the point. While my friendship with Leen has remained strong throughout the years, her constant comparisons of Casey to Alex, in which Casey always turned up short, touched a nerve. I was Casey Novak for Halloween last year, after all. It felt like Leen was telling me that I was not as badass as Alex Cabot. That all changed tonight, when Leen sent this message:

"Could Casey Novack be any cooler? ONLY if she was Alex Cabot"

You're coming around, Buddy, and I'm glad to see it. You have the right to remain compelled.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Update of the Month


I am going to go ahead and give this post the coveted title of "Update of the Month" in light of the fact that it will most likely be the only update of this month. Blogging is harder than I thought it would be.

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about technology's place in society. Clearly, no one has ever tried to tackle the subject of technology’s role in social interactions, and so you can add “trailblazer” to the list of my many accomplishments. I feel compelled to write this, however, after a drive to the beach with a friend who will remain unnamed. This friend offered to make the 30 minute drive to Irondequoit on the most perfect day for the beach I’ve seen this summer. He offered to go with three of his friends, people he chooses to interact with on a daily basis. However, on the drive there, he pulled out his iPhone at each stoplight to check face book (and other, less family friendly social networking sites) rather than communicating with his passengers. When asked why he felt compelled to do this, he claimed that he would have plenty of time to talk to us at the beach, and he felt no need to chit chat on the ride there. Of course, he was sort of joking when he said that, and after being mocked repeatedly for his iPhone addiction he put the phone down, and whipped out his Speedo.

Technology is great for helping people communicate. A friend who just moved to Maine to work on a farm keeps a blog about her farming experience that enables her to let her whole family know what is going on in her life. My mother is finally learning how to text, and so I’m sure I can look forward to many poorly written sentence fragments from her in the coming weeks. It concerns me, though, that so many people find impersonal interactions on devices like iPhones and Blackberries to be more fulfilling than a conversation with a friend about the woman in the car next to you who was just picking her nose at the red light. Are these people using technology as a way to make up for some kind of social anxiety, as a form of less stressful communication? Or has technology become an unnecessary crutch in the social interactions of people who would be just fine without it?

Friday, May 1, 2009

bootlace, bootleg, bootless, bootlick, bootneck?

Song: "Handle Me" by Robyn
Problem: Potential racial slur
Feelings: Mixed

In the song there is a hard to understand line, that to my ears sounded like "Boot-necked, Hispanic creep." I like to think of myself as being hip with all of the new slang, but boot-necked, was not an expression I was familiar with, which is why I wasn't sure that it was a racial slur. To my knowledge "Hispanic" isn't a slur, and "creep" while not a nice thing to say, doesn't typically apply to one group of people more than another. But for all I knew the combination of innocuous words like Hispanic and creep could become a fatal (and very rude) slur.

After searching urbandictionary.com I found out that boot-necked is an actual thing and it is: Royal Marine (British Special Forces). Known to each other as "Royal" but the rest of the British Forces know them as boot necks. This nickname is derived from them cutting the top from a leather boot and wearing it like a modern neck brace to stop sailors cutting their throat while they guarded officers on board British sailing ships in the days of old. This certainly doesn't have anything to do with Hispanic people.

Finally I caved and searched the various websites that have song lyrics on them. I put it off for a while because they are usually very unreliable. According to three such websites, the line is "Boot licking Nazi creep." In my defense, they blur the Nazi part because apparently you can't sing about fascists without being censored by fascists.


Song: "Handle Me" by Robyn
Problem: Censorship
Feelings: Mixed

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

the moment i've been waiting for

I've done some pretty exciting things in my life. I've seen great concerts, outstanding comedians, and even been known to stay home alone on a Friday night and watch Foyle's War in bed all night. It's a very glamorous life. However, the greatest night of my life is swiftly approaching and I didn't even know it until yesterday. On May 1st, 2009 one of my life goals will have been accomplished. I will be attending a Sound of Music sing-along at the Palace Theater in Albany, NY. You might wonder, Eileen, who is possibly qualified to host such a magical night? Well, I would tell you that the event is being hosted by Charmian Carr (Liesl von Trapp). You might ask, What actually happens at a Sound of Music sing-along? Where to begin? There will be costume contests, Julie Andrews look-a-likes, goodie bags, and I can finally watch a movie where it is ENCOURAGED that you shout at the screen and sing along with the songs. It will be heaven. To quote the Palace Theater website "the first rule of Sing-Along is THERE ARE NO RULES!" That's right buddy. Julie Andrews look-a-likes, goodie bags, singing, no rules.

Monday, April 27, 2009

not to sound petty but

...Eve 6's highest charting song was "Inside Out", which peaked at number 11 in 1998 on the Top 40. Third Eye Blind had two songs that reached number 1 on the Top 40, "Semi-charmed Life" and "Jumper" in 1997 and 1999 respectively.

I forget, did Third Eye Blind break-up, get back together with only two of the original three members, and only manage to write 2 new songs in 8 years?

Enough said.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

In your face!


This weekend I will be reliving middle school. I know, I know. For young people across America, middle school is, was, and ever shall be the most uncomfortable period of an adolescent's life. Why would I want to relive such a time? Well, I will be reliving the good times that I had in middle school (which you were not there for, as we were in the midst of our friendship break) when I see Eve 6 on Saturday. They are playing for free, but I would be willing to pay up to $7 to see them perform.

Try to control your jealousy, and feel free to rub it in my face when Third Eye Blind plays at the Tulip Fest. Also, please note that I am including a photo with this post because I feel the need to compete with your giant Smartee pictures.

re: snack du jour


A comparative shot--a giant Smartie and a quarter. I told you they were big!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Snack du jour!


On my facebook profile, under interests it states: Real life things in miniature. As luck would have it, the reverse is also true. I really enjoy things that are normally small in gigantic sizes. So I was really excited to see GIANT Smarties in the Campus "Grocery" Store. I am not sure if this is true at your institution of higher learning, but at our campus store we will randomly have candy that used to be really popular and isn't anymore. I imagine a backroom stashed to the top with beloved candy from the 90's that no one really wants anymore and they'll periodically stock some of these items in front, and I usually buy them in bulk and then I'll never see them again. I played this ridiculous game with Sixlets all last semester. While I feel like Smarties have remained relatively popular (they are frequently found in the jumbo variety bags of candy)--but I think we can all agree that giant Smarties had a limited run back in the day. Needless to say I am more than happy to welcome them back into my life, even if it's only for a short while. I realize that it's hard to tell from the picture above that they are giant Smarties because there isn't really anything to compare it too--they could be in a small dish. But trust me friend, they are giant Smarties. I know this because when I Google imaged searched "Giant Smarties" this is what came up, and Google wouldn't lie to a gal like that.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sticking It to the Man

This is ridiculous. It's been almost a month since our (your) last post. I think I'm too busy reading blogs to be able to write one.

Anyway, this month's post is about how to deal with your nasty bank policies. I would like to use stronger language than "nasty," but lets try and keep this a family friendly blog. Once upon a time, I bought some books on Amazon (which I would not now do for this completely unrelated reason). For over drafting my account by about $20 I ended up getting hit with over $100 in overdraft fees. When I called my friendly bankers they basically told me to fuck off. So I filed a complaint at the OCC's website, and eventually got a $105 refund from my bank. Even though, after additional charges, I'm still out about $60, I feel like I took on The Man and kicked ass. Anyone who gets screwed with overdraft fees should feel free to do the same.

I guess this blog is no longer family friendly. Oops.

Friday, March 20, 2009

professional underappreciation

Everyone knows that I am a very hard worker. The fact that I'm writing this while at work is case and point. So today when someone found a pair of nice sunglasses near my cube, I took it upon myself to send out a friendly e-mail inquiring about who they might belong to. The message was as follows: Found--nice pair of sunglasses. Please stop by if you have recently lost a pair. I will administer a brief test to prove your ownership of aforementioned sunglasses so please bring a number two pencil and the periodic table of elements.

And you know what happened? Nothing. Nata. Zip. Granted, I did recycle that joke from when I found an earring in an office where I used to work. But at least they appreciated me! I got several replies from bemused coworkers and some people actually did stop by with a pencil and a copy of the periodic table! But here I am, two years later in a new office and no laughs. Has the periodic table of elements become less funny in recent months? Last time I checked it was still hilarious.

But there you have it friend. This is why you shouldn't work hard, because when you do, no one laughs and brings you a copy of the periodic table of elements. People suck.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Questionable Taste

I don't really understand why I'm so amazed by this, but Alyssa Milano has designed a line of outerwear for the New York Mets. Everything she designed is on sale, and I have no idea how long this has been going on. I have no real comments, but I thought I would just bring this to your attention.

I was wrong. She doesn't limit herself to outer wear. Go here to see her model her own t-shirts!

Monday, March 16, 2009

for the love of the blog

Last night faithful roommate and ray of sunshine TKG decided to start a blog (www.thisistherecession.blogspot.com) about good deals to help save some money during these tough economic times. She was so excited about blogging and all it had to offer. And it only served to demonstrate how neglectful I have been of this little blog of ours. Although you have been more neglectful than I have, I knew that going in and expected as much. I have no such excuse. So I would like to reassert my commitment to this blog. Like our friendship tree, it will not grow without water, and here come the rain clouds! Not much has happened lately, however His Holiness the Dalai Lama might be coming to UAlbany in April, so at least I have that to look forward too. Although two other local schools (Skidmore and RPI) denied the invitation to host his arrival, so it does kind of lessen my excitement, no one likes being sssssloppy sssseconds (or in this case sloppy thirds).

Thursday, March 12, 2009

excerpt from my morning email from my mother

Also, Bristol Palin broke up with her boyfriend, and a man tried to kill himself by jumping into Niagara Falls. He survived, though he fought tooth and nail to die!

Monday, February 23, 2009

"I am a person of substance!"

I was in the car with my mom the other day. This is what happened.
"Eileen, I think I'm going to go see Revolutionary Road with A tonight."
"Oh, that was a great movie. But I don't think you'll like it very much," I warned.
"You don't give me any credit. I like plenty of movies with substance and depth!"
"Name one," I prompted.
She paused and replied matter-of-factly: "Love Actually"

*hysterical laughter*
"Try again Lo"

*long thoughtful pause*
"Bend it Like Beckham?"

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

because everyone wants to know what i think about kanye

So I've read a lot (two is a lot right?) of reviews about Kanye West's new album (808s and Heartbreak) and they are all correct. It is visionary and it is terrible, it is one of my new favorite albums and I hate listening to it, all at the same time. Honestly I love it, and to get you to love it too, I thought we could play a fun game.

True or False-- the following is an actual lyric from the song "Say You Will": When I grab your neck, I touch your soul.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Don't Tell Us Which One is Funnier

I am very pleased with the new layout. It's sleek and sophisticated; just like me!

As Eileen and I are constantly in competition to find out which one of us is funnier, I wanted to post something HILARIOUS to out do her last post. Unfortunately the only topic that I can think of right now is Dolly Parton. I am very serious about my love for Dolly, so this post will not be funny.

I first began to take Dolly Parton seriously as an artist when I heard her Academy Award nominated song "Travelin' Thru" from the Transamerica soundtrack. It caught my ear because it is a badass motherfucking song, but it stuck with me for another reason. It seemed out of place for this woman, who seemingly aspires to an ideal of Southern femininity, to be performing on the soundtrack of a movie with such a progressive message. Next, I saw 9 to 5. I saw Dolly espousing feminist values in the workplace, and doing it in the most adorable way humanly possible. Dolly Parton is a mystery to me; she apparently holds relatively progressive values, and yet she presents herself in a very traditional way. She doesn't even go to bed without makeup on for fear that she will have to run out in an emergency and be caught barefaced, but she's willing to write the score for a musical about equality at work. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I absolutely love Dolly Parton as a musician and as a human being. I had to write this whole long post because just saying "HOLY SHIT I LOVE DOLLY SO MUCH!" is creepy and weird, though accurate.

For Dolly Parton's own take on her personal style, see "Backwoods Barbie," the titular track of her most recent release.

if you tell a joke, and no one is around to hear it, can you still laugh?

I am a very funny person. This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Unfortunately because you are so far away most of the time, and I don't get to see TC nearly enough, I'm the only one who really appreciates just how funny I am. The people in the office where I work are nice enough, but they are all so much older than me, they just think I'm a "weird young person," and I don't know that many people on campus, so most of the time I'm alone thinking how funny I am to myself. Surprisingly, life has become really boring for me, so to try and spice things up, I try and think of little things I can do each day to amuse myself. One of my favorites is to deliberately confuse at least two people a day. 

Last night I was at work (just imagine any small, generic, retail store) and while the people I work with are nice, they are...simple. And whenever I'm there with just the manager I get this feeling of something dark crushing my soul. So, anyway, last night there were a couple of people working, so it wasn't too bad. And I was standing near the manager, "watching the floor" and Torn came on the radio and I (understandably) got really excited. I could tell that the manager was ignoring me, and was going to keep ignoring me unless I suddenly grabbed a bunch of merchandise and walked out of the store. So I went into a long speech about Torn and Natalie Imbruglia, "Did you know this song was actually a cover? Yeah- it was recorded in 1993 by Ednaswap. I wonder if they got upset because her version was such a massive success. I wonder if they think about Natalie Imbruglia a lot. I hope they have a group of loyal fans who support them no matter what. I bet Ednaswap fans HATE Natalie Imbruglia, even if the band members themselves don't. I wonder what happened to Natalie Imbruglia? I think her contract with L'Oreal lapsed a while ago. I mean I know she married Daniel Johns, who is the lead singer of Silverchair. I hope they are still married. What if they have kids? I bet their kids would be adorable. I wish they were my parents, they'd be the cool parents, unless they smell like pachouli " and on and on until eventually my manager just looked at me like I was retarded and walked away. Then someone else I work who hadn't heard any of this walked over and I just launched into the exact same speech. After I had finished I  thought this whole situation was so hilarious I promptly started laughing uncontrollably. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

ALERT SERIOUS ISSUE: What the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?

Last night Dan Savage came to the University at Albany as the keynote speaker for Sexuality Week (there was also a book signing and reception). As a fan of Dan Savage I was really excited to go and he lived up to all of my expectations. He was warm, hilarious, honest, smart and all around delightful. During the Q & A someone in the audience mentioned that Fred Phelps was coming to Albany and would be protesting at Albany High School and University at Albany Headquarters on Broadway and asked Dan Savage if he had any advice. This was a complete shock to me, what the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?

Have to be honest, I don't know that much about Fred Phelps, I know that he protests at the funeral of dead soldiers, and claims "that the dead are proof that God hates America for tolerating homosexuality" and he protested at Matthew Shephard's funeral -- so I knew that he is a fucking bigot and an asshole of the highest degree.

"Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka announced on his Web site that his group will protest outside Albany High School and the University at Albany the morning of March 6.
The Web site said Phelps aims to share "the truth" with the "2,900 young souls (who) are attending and being lied to regularly at this High School." In its explanation for choosing Albany as a stop on its national tour, the group uses numerous anti-gay slurs, quotes Bible verses and refers to President Barack Obama as "Antichrist." "

Dan Savage said that one school where Fred Phelps was protesting held a counter protest and over 300 people from the community went, and he said that if he were a closeted teen, that would have been an incredibly important moment for him, especially if his parents were intolerant. But on the other hand the best thing to do would be ignore them completely. Basically if you are going to counter protest, you need 300 people--it can't just be 10 people shouting back at them. In a Times Union article, they discuss that dilemma, do you ignore them and not take the bait? Or can we all come together and basically run their insane asses out of town? My concern is that if we ignore Fred Phelps, that a closeted teen will feel like we're ignoring them too--that they will feel unsafe and unwelcome in Albany, if we let these bigots come and spew their hatred all of our community and innocent kids who just want to be who they are. (Read Times Union piece here:http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=766954) If they think they can come to my school, a school were I spent 4 years learning more about the world than these insane, hateful, bigots will ever know, if they think they can come to Albany High and hold me (and anyone who goes or has gone to AHS) accountable to "the word of God," they have another thing coming. So I'm not sure what you guys think, but I know where I'm going to be Friday March 6, 2009.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Anne's Monthly Post

Hey, Buddy, I wouldn't worry too much about what happened when you met Louis CK. I'm sure celebrities love to talk about other celebrities when people are lining up to meet them.

I don't know enough about astrology, I've always wondered if I would come to better know myself if I had a more firm understanding of what it means to be a Gemini. Any little nuggets of truth (sorry for the really gross expression) that you could share?

Anyway, as you have frequently pointed out over the past couple of weeks, I am very bad at posting on this thing. I would promise to be better, yet again, but we both know that would be an empty promise. Instead, I'll just tell you about my weekend.

I skipped a very important conference about student leadership so I could go to an art gallery (Where are my priorities?!). Most of the work on display there was amazing. But, remember when you told me that you tried to learn about abstract art by making abstract art, and you failed miserably? I think I saw a few pieces that greatly resembled your paintings, so I think you should work on putting together an Eileen Cataldo retrospective. It's not like I don't appreciate shape and color in and of themselves, I do. And it's not that I am a stickler for realism, because I'm really not. I just don't understand what a few pieces of died black rope glued to the wall in a remarkably unpleasing pattern has to do with the fusion of painting and sculpture. I also think pre-Enlightenment portraits of children who look exactly like small adults who wear baby clothes are really creepy.

I also saw the Korean movie "Tale of Two Sisters." It was the inspiration for "The Uninvited," but without that woman's bad hair. It was also without a clear plot, but as Rachel pointed out, that was just to make you identify more with the main character, who had no idea what the fuck was going on most of the time. I think you should see "Tale of Two Sisters," in part because it was amazing, but also because everyone had great hair.

Is Sextrology Sexist?

Most astrology guides just say a lot of generic positive things that could really apply to anyone. This is not the case with Sextrology. As the title suggests, signs are broken down by gender and examined accordingly.

I am a Virgo and I’ve never felt entirely at home in the House of the Virgin as Virgos are commonly summed up as “perfectionists” which anyone who knows me, will know that a perfectionist, I am not. Well as I revisit Sextrology the more convinced I become that I am, in fact a Virgo—but as convinced as I am, a large part of me was always a little disappointed because I always felt that my astrological house limited my potential as a creativity entity, as Virgos are described as the “empty vessel” taking on whatever roles the people around us need to be filled, and as people determined to service and other (what I always found) to be kind of demeaning roles. In each section, there are a number of random facts about each sign, including famous people who share your sign. There are a few cool Virgo women, but for the most part they are lackluster. I had some free time this morning so for fun I skimmed the Virgo Man section. What a fucking rip-off. All of this time I felt like I was inherently disconnected from my creativity by fate of my astrological house, horrifyingly enough I had begun to resign myself to being ultimately, creatively useless. Then I see the outstanding Virgo men, just to name a few: John Cage, BB King, Otis Redding, William Carlos Williams, John Locke, Theodore Dreiser, Jorge Luis Borges, Itzhak Perlman, Tim Burton, Elvis Costello, Louis CK (see how I snuck that last one in there?). I mean jesus christ these are just the ones I remembered from glancing at the list this morning. John fucking Cage. I was so outraged that I had spent so much time preparing myself to be a vacant shell of a person in large part because I thought I had no choice in the matter, it is what the Cosmos had decided for me. The fact that I’d let what a stupid astrology book says forfeit any creative pursuit I had hoped for is another case entirely, but still. I realize that Sextrology looks at astrology from gendered perspectives, but it is these kinds of gendered ideologies that made me feel so worthless. Now I have to add this to a growing list of reasons why it sucks to be a woman.

*Please note, all of this happened before 9am so now I’m already emotionally exhausted. I realize there are a lot of things still to be said about this but its monday morning and I'm not up for it.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Louis CK: Hilarious

Well friend, a fantastic night all around for me. As you know, I went to see Louis CK perform at the Egg tonight. Todd Barry (of The Wrestler and Flight of the Conchords) opened (he opened for him the last time Louis was in Albany) and he was very funny. For some reason someone in the audience shouted out "HOT DOGS!" when he first came out, and that became kind of a recurring thing. But Barry was kind enough to lend Albany this slogan: "Buffalo can keep their goddamn wings. We have Albany hot dogs!"

Louis came right out (I love the no intermission) and he was on for about an hour. This is the fourth time I've seen his stand up (two of those times were on DVD...one of which we watched together)--Anne, this was his funniest ever. I'm a total CK dork, I check his website, subscribe to his YouTube channel and I've watched him on a bunch of talk shows (my favorite appearances are on The Daily Show) and this was the funniest I'd ever seen him, I was blown away. There was a point where I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It wasn't only that I couldn't breathe, but also forgot HOW to breathe and I thought "oh god, I'm going to die," it was pretty serious. And then I was afraid to a laugh for a minute or two in case I forgot how to breathe again. Eventually I emotionally recovered from my not being able to breathe scare.

After the show, Louis and Todd signed DVD's so I got in line and was FREAKING out. You know how I get around people I admire (i.e., I get insane) I met Todd first and he signed his DVD that I bought, I said he was great on FOTC (which he was) and made some decent, not to awkward small talk. Then, well I tanked. Louis and Todd were standing right next to the table where I had just purchased the merchandise and the cellophane was still on the packages. When I went to meet Louis, I was shaking like a leaf and he reached his hand out to get the DVD to sign, but instead I shook his hand like a weirdo. Then I was trying to get the wrapper off with my shaky hands. Thankfully he said "Oh, I'll get that for ya" and opened it for me (otherwise I'd still be there trying to get it open) and he signed it and I said "I'm really excited for This Side of the Truth" and he said "Oh yeah, I think it's going to be really good." So you know, not too bad. Then I did what I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T DO. I asked if he'd met Karl Pilkington. Why does my brain do this to me? I was having a semi-normal conversation with LOUIS CK why the hell couldn't I forget about Karl? Obviously my brain is determined to ruin me. Anyway he said he met him briefly on the set of the movie, and then I displayed an embarrassing level of information about the progress of the movie. In my defense anyone who reads Ricky Gervais's blog (and that's a lot of people) would know just as much as I do. Blurgh.

To sum up:
Louis CK is funnier than ever, he was really nice, and I'm an idiot.

p.s. "Hilarious" is the name of this tour. It IS Hilarious, but it's also part of one of his jokes.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Spoiler Alert: The Murders in the Rue Morgue

I know that you find my love and respect for Karl Pilkington baffling, and more than a little annoying. The following is a true series of events.

For my Detective Fiction class, I had to read Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Murders in the Rue Morgue." I wasn't really looking forward to it because I don't enjoy Poe all that much. Anyway, so I was reading along, highlighting what I thought were important facts of the crime being given by(in my opinion too many) witnesses. It was a horrible double murder and it confounded the entire Parisian Police Force (big shock). So I was just reading along and suddenly struck me, "HOLY SHIT A MONKEY DID IT!!" I really had to talk myself down from that one. "Eileen, this is Poe we are talking about here, not fucking Monkey News." And as it turns out I was wrong. It wasn't a monkey. It was an Orangutan.

Why You Are My BFF

Me: Sometimes I think I have a learning disability.
You: Me too!
You: About myself
You: And then I look down on kids who have learning diabilities but let it get in their way, because I was able to overcome.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Like A Phoenix Rising From the Ashes: I'm Back!

Oh buddy, I can’t believe that it’s been so long since I posted on our blog. What could possibly explain this lapse? Could it be that when we are in the same city I prefer sharing my exciting tales of adventure with you face to face? Or is it simply that Albany makes me lazy, and thus that I have no tales to tell? It’s most likely because I’ve spent the past three weeks hanging out with you and haven’t felt the need to recap, since I was under the impression that you are the only person who reads this. BUT OUR READERSHIP HAS DOUBLED! Unfortunately, I have no stories of mystery and intrigue to write about today, since I have only been awake for 10 of the past 36 hours. Rest assured, however, that I refuse to take my duty to our fan lightly, and that I pledge to update at least once a week from here on out.

You’re welcome, internet!