I was in the car with my mom the other day. This is what happened.
"Eileen, I think I'm going to go see Revolutionary Road with A tonight."
"Oh, that was a great movie. But I don't think you'll like it very much," I warned.
"You don't give me any credit. I like plenty of movies with substance and depth!"
"Name one," I prompted.
She paused and replied matter-of-factly: "Love Actually"
*hysterical laughter*
"Try again Lo"
*long thoughtful pause*
"Bend it Like Beckham?"
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
because everyone wants to know what i think about kanye
So I've read a lot (two is a lot right?) of reviews about Kanye West's new album (808s and Heartbreak) and they are all correct. It is visionary and it is terrible, it is one of my new favorite albums and I hate listening to it, all at the same time. Honestly I love it, and to get you to love it too, I thought we could play a fun game.
True or False-- the following is an actual lyric from the song "Say You Will": When I grab your neck, I touch your soul.
True or False-- the following is an actual lyric from the song "Say You Will": When I grab your neck, I touch your soul.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Don't Tell Us Which One is Funnier
I am very pleased with the new layout. It's sleek and sophisticated; just like me!
As Eileen and I are constantly in competition to find out which one of us is funnier, I wanted to post something HILARIOUS to out do her last post. Unfortunately the only topic that I can think of right now is Dolly Parton. I am very serious about my love for Dolly, so this post will not be funny.
I first began to take Dolly Parton seriously as an artist when I heard her Academy Award nominated song "Travelin' Thru" from the Transamerica soundtrack. It caught my ear because it is a badass motherfucking song, but it stuck with me for another reason. It seemed out of place for this woman, who seemingly aspires to an ideal of Southern femininity, to be performing on the soundtrack of a movie with such a progressive message. Next, I saw 9 to 5. I saw Dolly espousing feminist values in the workplace, and doing it in the most adorable way humanly possible. Dolly Parton is a mystery to me; she apparently holds relatively progressive values, and yet she presents herself in a very traditional way. She doesn't even go to bed without makeup on for fear that she will have to run out in an emergency and be caught barefaced, but she's willing to write the score for a musical about equality at work. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I absolutely love Dolly Parton as a musician and as a human being. I had to write this whole long post because just saying "HOLY SHIT I LOVE DOLLY SO MUCH!" is creepy and weird, though accurate.
For Dolly Parton's own take on her personal style, see "Backwoods Barbie," the titular track of her most recent release.
As Eileen and I are constantly in competition to find out which one of us is funnier, I wanted to post something HILARIOUS to out do her last post. Unfortunately the only topic that I can think of right now is Dolly Parton. I am very serious about my love for Dolly, so this post will not be funny.
I first began to take Dolly Parton seriously as an artist when I heard her Academy Award nominated song "Travelin' Thru" from the Transamerica soundtrack. It caught my ear because it is a badass motherfucking song, but it stuck with me for another reason. It seemed out of place for this woman, who seemingly aspires to an ideal of Southern femininity, to be performing on the soundtrack of a movie with such a progressive message. Next, I saw 9 to 5. I saw Dolly espousing feminist values in the workplace, and doing it in the most adorable way humanly possible. Dolly Parton is a mystery to me; she apparently holds relatively progressive values, and yet she presents herself in a very traditional way. She doesn't even go to bed without makeup on for fear that she will have to run out in an emergency and be caught barefaced, but she's willing to write the score for a musical about equality at work. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I absolutely love Dolly Parton as a musician and as a human being. I had to write this whole long post because just saying "HOLY SHIT I LOVE DOLLY SO MUCH!" is creepy and weird, though accurate.
For Dolly Parton's own take on her personal style, see "Backwoods Barbie," the titular track of her most recent release.
if you tell a joke, and no one is around to hear it, can you still laugh?
I am a very funny person. This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Unfortunately because you are so far away most of the time, and I don't get to see TC nearly enough, I'm the only one who really appreciates just how funny I am. The people in the office where I work are nice enough, but they are all so much older than me, they just think I'm a "weird young person," and I don't know that many people on campus, so most of the time I'm alone thinking how funny I am to myself. Surprisingly, life has become really boring for me, so to try and spice things up, I try and think of little things I can do each day to amuse myself. One of my favorites is to deliberately confuse at least two people a day.
Last night I was at work (just imagine any small, generic, retail store) and while the people I work with are nice, they are...simple. And whenever I'm there with just the manager I get this feeling of something dark crushing my soul. So, anyway, last night there were a couple of people working, so it wasn't too bad. And I was standing near the manager, "watching the floor" and Torn came on the radio and I (understandably) got really excited. I could tell that the manager was ignoring me, and was going to keep ignoring me unless I suddenly grabbed a bunch of merchandise and walked out of the store. So I went into a long speech about Torn and Natalie Imbruglia, "Did you know this song was actually a cover? Yeah- it was recorded in 1993 by Ednaswap. I wonder if they got upset because her version was such a massive success. I wonder if they think about Natalie Imbruglia a lot. I hope they have a group of loyal fans who support them no matter what. I bet Ednaswap fans HATE Natalie Imbruglia, even if the band members themselves don't. I wonder what happened to Natalie Imbruglia? I think her contract with L'Oreal lapsed a while ago. I mean I know she married Daniel Johns, who is the lead singer of Silverchair. I hope they are still married. What if they have kids? I bet their kids would be adorable. I wish they were my parents, they'd be the cool parents, unless they smell like pachouli " and on and on until eventually my manager just looked at me like I was retarded and walked away. Then someone else I work who hadn't heard any of this walked over and I just launched into the exact same speech. After I had finished I thought this whole situation was so hilarious I promptly started laughing uncontrollably.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
ALERT SERIOUS ISSUE: What the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?
Last night Dan Savage came to the University at Albany as the keynote speaker for Sexuality Week (there was also a book signing and reception). As a fan of Dan Savage I was really excited to go and he lived up to all of my expectations. He was warm, hilarious, honest, smart and all around delightful. During the Q & A someone in the audience mentioned that Fred Phelps was coming to Albany and would be protesting at Albany High School and University at Albany Headquarters on Broadway and asked Dan Savage if he had any advice. This was a complete shock to me, what the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?
Have to be honest, I don't know that much about Fred Phelps, I know that he protests at the funeral of dead soldiers, and claims "that the dead are proof that God hates America for tolerating homosexuality" and he protested at Matthew Shephard's funeral -- so I knew that he is a fucking bigot and an asshole of the highest degree.
"Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka announced on his Web site that his group will protest outside Albany High School and the University at Albany the morning of March 6.
The Web site said Phelps aims to share "the truth" with the "2,900 young souls (who) are attending and being lied to regularly at this High School." In its explanation for choosing Albany as a stop on its national tour, the group uses numerous anti-gay slurs, quotes Bible verses and refers to President Barack Obama as "Antichrist." "
Dan Savage said that one school where Fred Phelps was protesting held a counter protest and over 300 people from the community went, and he said that if he were a closeted teen, that would have been an incredibly important moment for him, especially if his parents were intolerant. But on the other hand the best thing to do would be ignore them completely. Basically if you are going to counter protest, you need 300 people--it can't just be 10 people shouting back at them. In a Times Union article, they discuss that dilemma, do you ignore them and not take the bait? Or can we all come together and basically run their insane asses out of town? My concern is that if we ignore Fred Phelps, that a closeted teen will feel like we're ignoring them too--that they will feel unsafe and unwelcome in Albany, if we let these bigots come and spew their hatred all of our community and innocent kids who just want to be who they are. (Read Times Union piece here:http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=766954) If they think they can come to my school, a school were I spent 4 years learning more about the world than these insane, hateful, bigots will ever know, if they think they can come to Albany High and hold me (and anyone who goes or has gone to AHS) accountable to "the word of God," they have another thing coming. So I'm not sure what you guys think, but I know where I'm going to be Friday March 6, 2009.
Have to be honest, I don't know that much about Fred Phelps, I know that he protests at the funeral of dead soldiers, and claims "that the dead are proof that God hates America for tolerating homosexuality" and he protested at Matthew Shephard's funeral -- so I knew that he is a fucking bigot and an asshole of the highest degree.
"Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka announced on his Web site that his group will protest outside Albany High School and the University at Albany the morning of March 6.
The Web site said Phelps aims to share "the truth" with the "2,900 young souls (who) are attending and being lied to regularly at this High School." In its explanation for choosing Albany as a stop on its national tour, the group uses numerous anti-gay slurs, quotes Bible verses and refers to President Barack Obama as "Antichrist." "
Dan Savage said that one school where Fred Phelps was protesting held a counter protest and over 300 people from the community went, and he said that if he were a closeted teen, that would have been an incredibly important moment for him, especially if his parents were intolerant. But on the other hand the best thing to do would be ignore them completely. Basically if you are going to counter protest, you need 300 people--it can't just be 10 people shouting back at them. In a Times Union article, they discuss that dilemma, do you ignore them and not take the bait? Or can we all come together and basically run their insane asses out of town? My concern is that if we ignore Fred Phelps, that a closeted teen will feel like we're ignoring them too--that they will feel unsafe and unwelcome in Albany, if we let these bigots come and spew their hatred all of our community and innocent kids who just want to be who they are. (Read Times Union piece here:http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=766954) If they think they can come to my school, a school were I spent 4 years learning more about the world than these insane, hateful, bigots will ever know, if they think they can come to Albany High and hold me (and anyone who goes or has gone to AHS) accountable to "the word of God," they have another thing coming. So I'm not sure what you guys think, but I know where I'm going to be Friday March 6, 2009.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Anne's Monthly Post
Hey, Buddy, I wouldn't worry too much about what happened when you met Louis CK. I'm sure celebrities love to talk about other celebrities when people are lining up to meet them.
I don't know enough about astrology, I've always wondered if I would come to better know myself if I had a more firm understanding of what it means to be a Gemini. Any little nuggets of truth (sorry for the really gross expression) that you could share?
Anyway, as you have frequently pointed out over the past couple of weeks, I am very bad at posting on this thing. I would promise to be better, yet again, but we both know that would be an empty promise. Instead, I'll just tell you about my weekend.
I skipped a very important conference about student leadership so I could go to an art gallery (Where are my priorities?!). Most of the work on display there was amazing. But, remember when you told me that you tried to learn about abstract art by making abstract art, and you failed miserably? I think I saw a few pieces that greatly resembled your paintings, so I think you should work on putting together an Eileen Cataldo retrospective. It's not like I don't appreciate shape and color in and of themselves, I do. And it's not that I am a stickler for realism, because I'm really not. I just don't understand what a few pieces of died black rope glued to the wall in a remarkably unpleasing pattern has to do with the fusion of painting and sculpture. I also think pre-Enlightenment portraits of children who look exactly like small adults who wear baby clothes are really creepy.
I also saw the Korean movie "Tale of Two Sisters." It was the inspiration for "The Uninvited," but without that woman's bad hair. It was also without a clear plot, but as Rachel pointed out, that was just to make you identify more with the main character, who had no idea what the fuck was going on most of the time. I think you should see "Tale of Two Sisters," in part because it was amazing, but also because everyone had great hair.
I don't know enough about astrology, I've always wondered if I would come to better know myself if I had a more firm understanding of what it means to be a Gemini. Any little nuggets of truth (sorry for the really gross expression) that you could share?
Anyway, as you have frequently pointed out over the past couple of weeks, I am very bad at posting on this thing. I would promise to be better, yet again, but we both know that would be an empty promise. Instead, I'll just tell you about my weekend.
I skipped a very important conference about student leadership so I could go to an art gallery (Where are my priorities?!). Most of the work on display there was amazing. But, remember when you told me that you tried to learn about abstract art by making abstract art, and you failed miserably? I think I saw a few pieces that greatly resembled your paintings, so I think you should work on putting together an Eileen Cataldo retrospective. It's not like I don't appreciate shape and color in and of themselves, I do. And it's not that I am a stickler for realism, because I'm really not. I just don't understand what a few pieces of died black rope glued to the wall in a remarkably unpleasing pattern has to do with the fusion of painting and sculpture. I also think pre-Enlightenment portraits of children who look exactly like small adults who wear baby clothes are really creepy.
I also saw the Korean movie "Tale of Two Sisters." It was the inspiration for "The Uninvited," but without that woman's bad hair. It was also without a clear plot, but as Rachel pointed out, that was just to make you identify more with the main character, who had no idea what the fuck was going on most of the time. I think you should see "Tale of Two Sisters," in part because it was amazing, but also because everyone had great hair.
Is Sextrology Sexist?
Most astrology guides just say a lot of generic positive things that could really apply to anyone. This is not the case with Sextrology. As the title suggests, signs are broken down by gender and examined accordingly.
I am a Virgo and I’ve never felt entirely at home in the House of the Virgin as Virgos are commonly summed up as “perfectionists” which anyone who knows me, will know that a perfectionist, I am not. Well as I revisit Sextrology the more convinced I become that I am, in fact a Virgo—but as convinced as I am, a large part of me was always a little disappointed because I always felt that my astrological house limited my potential as a creativity entity, as Virgos are described as the “empty vessel” taking on whatever roles the people around us need to be filled, and as people determined to service and other (what I always found) to be kind of demeaning roles. In each section, there are a number of random facts about each sign, including famous people who share your sign. There are a few cool Virgo women, but for the most part they are lackluster. I had some free time this morning so for fun I skimmed the Virgo Man section. What a fucking rip-off. All of this time I felt like I was inherently disconnected from my creativity by fate of my astrological house, horrifyingly enough I had begun to resign myself to being ultimately, creatively useless. Then I see the outstanding Virgo men, just to name a few: John Cage, BB King, Otis Redding, William Carlos Williams, John Locke, Theodore Dreiser, Jorge Luis Borges, Itzhak Perlman, Tim Burton, Elvis Costello, Louis CK (see how I snuck that last one in there?). I mean jesus christ these are just the ones I remembered from glancing at the list this morning. John fucking Cage. I was so outraged that I had spent so much time preparing myself to be a vacant shell of a person in large part because I thought I had no choice in the matter, it is what the Cosmos had decided for me. The fact that I’d let what a stupid astrology book says forfeit any creative pursuit I had hoped for is another case entirely, but still. I realize that Sextrology looks at astrology from gendered perspectives, but it is these kinds of gendered ideologies that made me feel so worthless. Now I have to add this to a growing list of reasons why it sucks to be a woman.
*Please note, all of this happened before 9am so now I’m already emotionally exhausted. I realize there are a lot of things still to be said about this but its monday morning and I'm not up for it.
I am a Virgo and I’ve never felt entirely at home in the House of the Virgin as Virgos are commonly summed up as “perfectionists” which anyone who knows me, will know that a perfectionist, I am not. Well as I revisit Sextrology the more convinced I become that I am, in fact a Virgo—but as convinced as I am, a large part of me was always a little disappointed because I always felt that my astrological house limited my potential as a creativity entity, as Virgos are described as the “empty vessel” taking on whatever roles the people around us need to be filled, and as people determined to service and other (what I always found) to be kind of demeaning roles. In each section, there are a number of random facts about each sign, including famous people who share your sign. There are a few cool Virgo women, but for the most part they are lackluster. I had some free time this morning so for fun I skimmed the Virgo Man section. What a fucking rip-off. All of this time I felt like I was inherently disconnected from my creativity by fate of my astrological house, horrifyingly enough I had begun to resign myself to being ultimately, creatively useless. Then I see the outstanding Virgo men, just to name a few: John Cage, BB King, Otis Redding, William Carlos Williams, John Locke, Theodore Dreiser, Jorge Luis Borges, Itzhak Perlman, Tim Burton, Elvis Costello, Louis CK (see how I snuck that last one in there?). I mean jesus christ these are just the ones I remembered from glancing at the list this morning. John fucking Cage. I was so outraged that I had spent so much time preparing myself to be a vacant shell of a person in large part because I thought I had no choice in the matter, it is what the Cosmos had decided for me. The fact that I’d let what a stupid astrology book says forfeit any creative pursuit I had hoped for is another case entirely, but still. I realize that Sextrology looks at astrology from gendered perspectives, but it is these kinds of gendered ideologies that made me feel so worthless. Now I have to add this to a growing list of reasons why it sucks to be a woman.
*Please note, all of this happened before 9am so now I’m already emotionally exhausted. I realize there are a lot of things still to be said about this but its monday morning and I'm not up for it.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Louis CK: Hilarious
Well friend, a fantastic night all around for me. As you know, I went to see Louis CK perform at the Egg tonight. Todd Barry (of The Wrestler and Flight of the Conchords) opened (he opened for him the last time Louis was in Albany) and he was very funny. For some reason someone in the audience shouted out "HOT DOGS!" when he first came out, and that became kind of a recurring thing. But Barry was kind enough to lend Albany this slogan: "Buffalo can keep their goddamn wings. We have Albany hot dogs!"
Louis came right out (I love the no intermission) and he was on for about an hour. This is the fourth time I've seen his stand up (two of those times were on DVD...one of which we watched together)--Anne, this was his funniest ever. I'm a total CK dork, I check his website, subscribe to his YouTube channel and I've watched him on a bunch of talk shows (my favorite appearances are on The Daily Show) and this was the funniest I'd ever seen him, I was blown away. There was a point where I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It wasn't only that I couldn't breathe, but also forgot HOW to breathe and I thought "oh god, I'm going to die," it was pretty serious. And then I was afraid to a laugh for a minute or two in case I forgot how to breathe again. Eventually I emotionally recovered from my not being able to breathe scare.
After the show, Louis and Todd signed DVD's so I got in line and was FREAKING out. You know how I get around people I admire (i.e., I get insane) I met Todd first and he signed his DVD that I bought, I said he was great on FOTC (which he was) and made some decent, not to awkward small talk. Then, well I tanked. Louis and Todd were standing right next to the table where I had just purchased the merchandise and the cellophane was still on the packages. When I went to meet Louis, I was shaking like a leaf and he reached his hand out to get the DVD to sign, but instead I shook his hand like a weirdo. Then I was trying to get the wrapper off with my shaky hands. Thankfully he said "Oh, I'll get that for ya" and opened it for me (otherwise I'd still be there trying to get it open) and he signed it and I said "I'm really excited for This Side of the Truth" and he said "Oh yeah, I think it's going to be really good." So you know, not too bad. Then I did what I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T DO. I asked if he'd met Karl Pilkington. Why does my brain do this to me? I was having a semi-normal conversation with LOUIS CK why the hell couldn't I forget about Karl? Obviously my brain is determined to ruin me. Anyway he said he met him briefly on the set of the movie, and then I displayed an embarrassing level of information about the progress of the movie. In my defense anyone who reads Ricky Gervais's blog (and that's a lot of people) would know just as much as I do. Blurgh.
To sum up:
Louis CK is funnier than ever, he was really nice, and I'm an idiot.
p.s. "Hilarious" is the name of this tour. It IS Hilarious, but it's also part of one of his jokes.
Louis came right out (I love the no intermission) and he was on for about an hour. This is the fourth time I've seen his stand up (two of those times were on DVD...one of which we watched together)--Anne, this was his funniest ever. I'm a total CK dork, I check his website, subscribe to his YouTube channel and I've watched him on a bunch of talk shows (my favorite appearances are on The Daily Show) and this was the funniest I'd ever seen him, I was blown away. There was a point where I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It wasn't only that I couldn't breathe, but also forgot HOW to breathe and I thought "oh god, I'm going to die," it was pretty serious. And then I was afraid to a laugh for a minute or two in case I forgot how to breathe again. Eventually I emotionally recovered from my not being able to breathe scare.
After the show, Louis and Todd signed DVD's so I got in line and was FREAKING out. You know how I get around people I admire (i.e., I get insane) I met Todd first and he signed his DVD that I bought, I said he was great on FOTC (which he was) and made some decent, not to awkward small talk. Then, well I tanked. Louis and Todd were standing right next to the table where I had just purchased the merchandise and the cellophane was still on the packages. When I went to meet Louis, I was shaking like a leaf and he reached his hand out to get the DVD to sign, but instead I shook his hand like a weirdo. Then I was trying to get the wrapper off with my shaky hands. Thankfully he said "Oh, I'll get that for ya" and opened it for me (otherwise I'd still be there trying to get it open) and he signed it and I said "I'm really excited for This Side of the Truth" and he said "Oh yeah, I think it's going to be really good." So you know, not too bad. Then I did what I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T DO. I asked if he'd met Karl Pilkington. Why does my brain do this to me? I was having a semi-normal conversation with LOUIS CK why the hell couldn't I forget about Karl? Obviously my brain is determined to ruin me. Anyway he said he met him briefly on the set of the movie, and then I displayed an embarrassing level of information about the progress of the movie. In my defense anyone who reads Ricky Gervais's blog (and that's a lot of people) would know just as much as I do. Blurgh.
To sum up:
Louis CK is funnier than ever, he was really nice, and I'm an idiot.
p.s. "Hilarious" is the name of this tour. It IS Hilarious, but it's also part of one of his jokes.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Spoiler Alert: The Murders in the Rue Morgue
I know that you find my love and respect for Karl Pilkington baffling, and more than a little annoying. The following is a true series of events.
For my Detective Fiction class, I had to read Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Murders in the Rue Morgue." I wasn't really looking forward to it because I don't enjoy Poe all that much. Anyway, so I was reading along, highlighting what I thought were important facts of the crime being given by(in my opinion too many) witnesses. It was a horrible double murder and it confounded the entire Parisian Police Force (big shock). So I was just reading along and suddenly struck me, "HOLY SHIT A MONKEY DID IT!!" I really had to talk myself down from that one. "Eileen, this is Poe we are talking about here, not fucking Monkey News." And as it turns out I was wrong. It wasn't a monkey. It was an Orangutan.
For my Detective Fiction class, I had to read Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Murders in the Rue Morgue." I wasn't really looking forward to it because I don't enjoy Poe all that much. Anyway, so I was reading along, highlighting what I thought were important facts of the crime being given by(in my opinion too many) witnesses. It was a horrible double murder and it confounded the entire Parisian Police Force (big shock). So I was just reading along and suddenly struck me, "HOLY SHIT A MONKEY DID IT!!" I really had to talk myself down from that one. "Eileen, this is Poe we are talking about here, not fucking Monkey News." And as it turns out I was wrong. It wasn't a monkey. It was an Orangutan.
Why You Are My BFF
Me: Sometimes I think I have a learning disability.
You: Me too!
You: About myself
You: And then I look down on kids who have learning diabilities but let it get in their way, because I was able to overcome.
You: Me too!
You: About myself
You: And then I look down on kids who have learning diabilities but let it get in their way, because I was able to overcome.
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