New Site

We have a domain name! If they can do it so can we is now at iftheycandoitsocanwe.com

Imaginary Crime

Due to my overexposure of television crime (thanks L&O!) I have been known to suffer from the odd bit of irrational paranoia. I was walking home from work tonight, in the darkness of an early winter evening, in the rain, listening to listening to some Robyn, and I saw the shadow of a person walking swiftly behind me. My initial reaction? To be terrified. I glanced back at the shadow and saw that they were using an umbrella and I relaxed immediately.

I don't know why the knowledge that the person behind me was using an umbrella was such an immediate comfort to me until I reached the following hypothesis: Muggers don't use umbrellas. I don't know any muggers so unfortunately I can't ask them about it. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If you were to mug someone, wouldn't you need both hands at your disposal? I imagine it would be hard to be very frightening if one hand was trying to control an umbrella on a windy day. Wouldn't it also be an easy way to identify someone to a near by patrolman? "What did she look like ma'am?" "She was about 5'5" brown hair, average weight, oh yeah, and she had a giant Hello Kitty umbrella."

Re: Dumb ideas for blog posts

I want to start out by saying that had your Candyman soundtrack post actually made it onto the interweb, I would've enjoyed it IMMENSELY and I'm a little sad that your vision was never fully realized.

To be honest, I wouldn't say I have "stupid" ideas for posts. Not to imply that my posts are of the highest intellectual level,  I just think it's more accurate to say I have incomplete ideas for blog posts. And by incomplete, I mean I have only thought of what to title the post. For example, I've had one floating around in my head since May called, "When Your Bus Driver Thinks You're Lazy." Some day that post will be written, and it will be awesome.

On second thought, is it too late to retract my claim that my ideas for blog posts aren't stupid? I forgot that I intended to write a post comparing my cat to Pocahontas. 

What I Think When I Plan a Post

I think that one of the reasons I do not post often is because most of my spur of the moment blog post ideas are really, really stupid. For example, I was thinking about writing a whole post about the "Candyman" soundtrack. That would probably be doable, since the soundtrack was composed by Phillip Glass and is totally awesome, but my post idea was mostly going to be about how I know all the words. There are no words. My post was going to mostly consist of "dododododododododo" and "hohohohohohohoho."

I wanted to post this so that you would all know that I do think about this blog, even though I don't write in it much. I want this blog to reflect how clever and funny I am, so I have to edit my thoughts heavily. Don't worry, I have an outlet for my bad ideas. Basically when I think up a blog post like the one about the "Candyman" soundtrack and then realize how stupid it is, I tweet it instead. Man, I hope the cool celebrities I follow don't read my twitter.

What was your stupidest idea for a post, buddy? The time it takes you to answer my question will say something about your dedication to iftheycandoitsocanwe.blogspot.com.

Noooo! Dobby!!!!!!

Happy Harry Potter Day, everyone! What better a day to start blogging again than the day of the most anticipated movie event of the season (at least among 16-year-old white kids who like to underage drink, if last night's crowd was anything to judge it by)?! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One is a Harry Potter movie that will get you excited about the franchise again. By far the darkest of the series, this movie is legitimately scary in parts. The very first scene, a meeting of death eaters planing a feasible time frame in which to kill Harry, involves the movie's first, but not final, explicit scene of torture. This scene also made me want to give Snape a big ole' hug, but maybe that was just me.

The series has never really had action-packed action sequences before. The movies, at least as far as I remember them, have always focused more on Harry's metaphorical journey than his literal journey. That's cool I guess. But a chase sequence involving Hagrid's magical motorcycle is also cool. Don't worry, this movie didn't skimp on long, drawn out scenes in which our three heroes talk aaaa loooooot. It just added some more exciting chase scenes and some pretty awesome jump scares for viewers who already know where the Sword of Gryffindor is and don't want to spend 2 hours hearing the characters talk ad-nauseam about where they might find it ("No, it's not in Godric's Hollow, but go there anyway because something awesome and scary will happen!").

The movie also had some pretty touching moments. Don't worry, I definitely didn't cry during the scene with Dobby. Definitely not. No sir... But it was pretty touching. And the kids are finally good actors, so the emotional moments were pretty easy to get in to, rather than painful to watch.... DOBBY, WHY?!?!?

In case you can't tell, I have never been wildly impressed with one of the movies before. I love the books, but the films have always been just boring enough to underwhelm me. Not this one. It was exciting, it took me on a roller coaster of emotion, and it set up the final installment perfectly. It also featured a kick ass animation sequence about the origin of the deathly hollows. If you are not excited about Harry Potter anymore, go see this movie so you can recapture the magic! Was that a good pun? If it was, then it was intended. If not, then what pun? What are you talking about?

Also, Daniel Radcliffe takes his shirt off a lot, which is neat if that's the kind of thing you're into.

a birthday blog!

First I should begin by wishing my co-blogger and BFF a very happy birthday! My goal was to wish her happy birthday through every technology I could think of and so far I've covered the mail, the telephone, text message, twitter, facebook, and now the blog! If there is one I missed please let me know, I still have about two hours to finish up my mission.

However this is not just one more way to wish you a happy birthday my friend. I have substantive content to provide too. Well...maybe not substantive, but content nonetheless.

Whenever I take the bus, or whenever I leave the house by myself, I always have my iPod with me. It helps insulate me from the awkward situations that I often find myself if I'm ever without my modern defense mechanism. When I get on the bus, I always stare at the slot for my crisp dollar bills, say hello to the driver and hurry to my seat, eyes glued to the floor. I always assumed that the driver reciprocated my cheerful greeting with an equally cheerful salutation of their own. Well I learned today, the first day I've ever actually paused my iPod when getting on the bus, that they don't. I suppose I can't really blame them. It's not as if I went out of my way to make eye contact and really engage them in a human way. And I would get pretty tired of having to greet every passenger that got on my bus.

I always thought that I had this instant connection with bus drivers. Tthere are some people who take the bus only occasionally and that is fine. But not me. I have been a fan of public transportation since middle school. And I thought evidence of my years riding with the CDTA would be clear on my war torn face and would signal to the drivers "Hey, this girl knows what's going on here." It does not.

A long response to a short question

Have I ever had a negative dentist experience? Actually, buddy, no. I have not been to the dentist since 2008, when I decided that at 20 years of age, it was finally time to move on from my pediatric dentist. Unfortunately for my receding gum line, I did not move on to anywhere.

I did, however, once have a negative oral surgery experience. A couple of years ago I had to have my wisdom teeth out. Most people have stories to tell about their recovery from this much dreaded surgery. Aside from a little nausea from the codeine that I was prescribed and a lasting aversion to any type of custard, my recovery was smooth and easy. The process was the problem for me.

I had a limited number of oral surgeons to choose from, since not many places accepted the kind of insurance that I had at the time. I ended up going to a doctor who smelled very strongly of cigar smoke and who wore the worst toupee that I have ever seen to this day. For some reason, though, these characteristics put my mind at ease and made me feel relaxed. The day I was supposed to go in for my surgery, I felt confident that everything was going to be OK. And in the long run, it was. But an old woman had a stroke in the waiting room while I was waiting to be called back. The office was in a frenzy until the ambulance came to take her to the hospital. I think that this unusual occurrence put the nurse assisting my doctor off her game.

The first thing that I'm pretty sure she did wrong was give me waaaaay too much nitrous oxide. I'm not complaining, I was feeling good. But I'm pretty sure she's supposed to monitor that more closely or something. I guess it wasn't entirely her fault. When she asked if the gas had taken its effect, I may have asked for just a little more...

Anyway, aside from getting me hiiiiiiiiigh, she also couldn't find a vain. She decided to put the IV into my left hand, but it fell out. Evidently, I was bleeding all over the place. I was on so much nitrous oxide, though, that I really didn't care. I apologized and offered to help clean it up. Eventually the doctor came in, put the IV in himself, and then I woke up several hours later with 4 gaping holes in my mouth!!

Anyway, that was longer (and grosser) than your story. I win!

McTeague, DDS

A lot of people hate the dentist. Nothing new about that. However having recently survived a particularly scary trip to the dentist, while in the chair I heard things you don't want to hear the dentist say:
                   "I don't know if I'm supposed to do this, wait while I check with the dental hygienist."
                   "[after reentering the room] That was your chance to get away."
                   "Don't swallow."
Have you had any traumatic experiences in the dentist's chair?

reflections: university at albany edition

Warning: I'm listening to Les Mis while I write this, so if my tone seems overly tragic and pre-French revolutionary-esque, that's why.

I also took 5 years to graduate, but not because I did a school related program teaching me how to be an entrepreneur, but because I left the first University I attended and took a year off to wallow in self pity. As a result I think my feelings on my alma mater are different than yours for a number of reasons--one being U of R was your first choice (and for the sake of clarification, University OF Rochester is a fancy private school whereas University AT Albany is just one campus in the SUNY system and is inherently less impressive than U of R) while University at Albany was a last resort and at the time I thought going to college in the same city I was born and raised was the ultimate failure. So I didn't really have high hopes for my experience at UAlbany. While you went to school whose campus was an arboretum, I went to school on a concrete rectangle.

Maybe because I enrolled expecting to hate it, the fact that it wasn't terrible made it seem amazing. I will admit that there are some problems with the curriculum and as a public university that is facing unprecedented budget cuts, it's not the happiest place on Earth. Despite all of my own baggage and the school's short comings, I was really happy there. And the more I think about it, the more I realize how lucky I was. I wouldn't say I'm full of school pride (as I didn't attend a single UAlbany sporting event in my four years there), I am incredibly proud of my degree. Mainly because every time I think about it I remember the amazing professors I had and the friends I made. And while I couldn't be happier that I will never have to take another gen ed class or have to cram in time to study for a Latin test, I will miss skipping class and hanging out in the writing center all day, and that giddy feeling I would get everyday on my way to my Detective Fiction classes.

Only a week and a half late!

File this entry under "timely" because now that it has been over a week since commencement at both of the prestigious universities that we attended, I would like to take some time to reflect on my thoughts about graduation. Before you can understand my "feelings," which I know you all want to do, I would like to say something about my college experience. I spent 5 years getting my undergraduate degree. Five straight years of school is too much, never let anyone tell you otherwise. My 5th year program was meant to teach me about entrepreneurship and provide me with the skills needed to be a successful social entrepreneur. I do not know why I thought an entrepreneurship program would help me in my desired career as a research librarian, but it seemed like a good alternative to moving in with my parents at the time I applied. The only thing that I really got out of this program was learning how to spell entrepreneurship, which I guess is a lifelong skill...

Anyway, I did not enjoy my final year at the University of Rochester. More than anything right now I am relieved that school is over and I am looking forward to not having homework for the first time since 2nd grade. At the same time, though, I think all of the talk that I heard for 5 years at the U of R, about how wonderful the school is and how there is no other University quite like it and how lucky and smart and talented all U of R students are, actually got to me. I'm excited to move on. I'm excited to start working full time. I'm excited to have options for the first time since I was applying to school. But I am a nostalgic person by nature, and although I've been looking forward to graduating since September, I can't help feeling a little sentimental about what I'm leaving behind.

Even though there were many, many things that I did not like about the school, I still feel pride in my degree. I feel proud to say that I am an alumna of the University of Rochester. I know that I will miss sitting on the quad and being able to see every single one of my friends walking past throughout the day. I will definitely miss having the option to skip class and sleep in. I think most of all I'll miss going to Rush Rhees library and being surrounded by every book I could possibly want to read. I saw a small tapestry in the book store with Rush Rhees Library on it and came sooo close to paying $50 for it, but I didn't. I guess I will miss Rush Rhees, but not $50 worth.

So, as much as I hate to admit it, I do bleed Dandelion yellow. I will miss the experience of being a college student. I will miss going to classes on a campus that is also an arboretum. Meliora, University of Rochester. See you at my first reunion.

What about you, buddy? What do you think about your shiny new diploma?

if you were a psychic you would already know what this post says

Today was the first day I ventured out of the house in a while. Well, more like 29 hours, but that can feel like a long time if all you're doing is watching Bones. I was worried that I had contracted my roommate's illness and quarantined myself. Not surprisingly I am fine, and was able to take care of some business this afternoon. That's right, I have business and I took care of it! At a lunch meeting no less. I am a grown up now. Anyway, after my business lunch I decided to go to the local Psychic to get my palm read, a decision that only serves to reinforce the conclusion that I am an adult.

Now this is my first time going to a psychic (well except the free on at the book launch for the final Harry Potter) so I didn't really know what to expect. There was one of those folding screens that blocked a woman who was in the middle of the consultation with the older male psychic who I am assured is the real deal. However since he was busy, I got to meet with the older woman who was sitting on the white pleather couch who was in the middle of eating her lunch and watching a special on the History channel. She spoke quickly and with a heavy accent that I couldn't really place. After a few minutes of generic platitudes I was easily distracted by the 5 Hour Energy drink commercial. It was a tricky session because about half the things she said were totally wrong but she did say "When you walk on street, you have smile on face, but not in heart."

After about 5 minutes it was over and I was faced with the biggest problem of my time there...do you tip a psychic? If I were to evaluate based on quality of service, while this woman was obviously friendly and moderately mystical, she was clearly dealing in bullshit. On the other hand I didn't want to get anyone's bad vibes sent after me for not tipping the old psychic lady. So I decided I better do it, just in case.

Next time I'm doing a tarot card reading, no more of the amateur palm reading bs.

But on the bright side I will be successful in anything I try because I can open a hundred doors using my words.

Honest, Abe? Vampires?

I learned a fun new fact today. For many years now, I have believed that epistolary novels have to be written as a series of letters. However, as some of you may know, epistolary novels can be written in the form of any collection of documents, be they letters, journal entries, newspaper clippings, or any other document that strikes your fancy. Thinking back about epistolary novels that I have read in the past (Dracula, for one. How appropriate!), I should have known this... but I am not the sharpest tool in the shed so it was news to me! Anyway, apparently I read an epistolary novel this week without knowing it at the time. That novel was none other than Seth Grahame-Smith's Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

This book has gotten some mixed reviews. Apparently the novelty of mixing classic literature (or in this case, a well know historical biography) with spooky scary monsters is getting a little old. I did not read Grahame-Smith's other books (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters), so the concept is still relatively fresh to my simple mind. I found that I was really taken in by the story, as straight-forward and outrageous as it was. This book had it all. It was legitimately scary at parts, and there was a lot more gore than your average historical biography. I laughed, I (almost but not really) cried, I felt my pulse race. Grahame-Smith was able to make the ridiculousness of vampires fit seamlessly into Lincoln's life story. Almost every tragedy that befell the man was attributed to vampires, and in the reality of the novel it seemed to make complete sense.

One thing that I did not like about the book was that slavery's hold on the South was blamed onvampires. In the wake of Bob McDonnell's declaration of Confederate History Month in Virginia, I found this a little hard to stomach. As ridiculous as it is to put the blame on vampires, I think that it's important for people to acknowledge the reality of the past. Looking back at the institution of slavery and denying that it was something that the vast majority of white Americans had a role in perpetuating is a way of glossing over past injustices. It's a way of denying the history of racism in America. So even though it is obviously absurd to allege that American slavery was as firmly ingrained in society as it was because it served the "Southern vampire interests," that aspect of the plot still made me a little uneasy.

Overall, the book is about what you would expect from something called Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. It's funny, ridiculous, and at times pretty scary. I was surprised to find that I cared a lot more about Abe, and even the secondary characters, than I thought I would. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is into vampires, the Civil War, historical biographies, or some bizarre combination of the three (i.e. I would recommend this book to someone who is exactly like me). Especially if you're not tired of Grahame-Smith's gimmick.

Also, Tim Burton is going to make the film version of this book. I think if he handles it like he didSleepy Hollow, it will be amazing. Just in case anyone important reads this: Johnny Depp is not tall enough to play Abraham Lincoln.* I don't care how much movie magic you use.

*Update: I have been up all night agonizing over where I got this joke from. As Leen pointed out, it's actually funny. I finally remembered that I got the Johnny Depp being short idea from this review at Film School Rejects. They are excited about Abe Lincoln in platform shoes. I am not. Just wanted to stay honest.

Babies Everywhere!

A few weeks ago, while we we reading the paper, my roommate pointed to an add for a movie and said, "We should see this. It's like March of the Penguins, but with babies." So, naturally, I got together a group of friends to see Thomas Balmes' documentary Babies on its opening night. I didn't read anything about it, but I sure hyped it up in my mind. Cute babies, being babies, doing baby things, for 79 minutes! What could be better?! By last week, I was so excited I could think of nothing but Babies. Then, Friday night, all my hopes and dreams came true (Except for the hope and dream of a post graduation job, but I'll take what I can get in the hopes and dreams department).

Babies definitely lived up to the hype that may or may not surround it outside of my mind. The babies were adorable. Bayar, the baby from Mongolia, was particularly cute. It was also a beautifully shot film. The landscapes of Mongolia and Namibia are nicely contrasted to the sky lines of San Francisco and Tokyo, and all of the regions represented in the film were stunning. Babies has no narration or translation, so at times it can be frustrating to watch. There were things that I would have liked to learn more about. What was that red stuff that Ponijao's mom was rubbing on her pregnant belly, then later on Ponijao's head? Who were those other kids that Bayar was playing with? What's with Mari's baby leg warmers? There are a lot of things in the movie that go unexplained, but I think that it helped demonstrate the point that no matter what kind of culture a baby is raised in, there are some experiences that are universal.

The one critique that I have about the movie, one that was shared by everyone I went with, was that there were not a lot of loving scenes included for Ponijao and Bayar and their parents. In the ending credits, there were several clips of Ponijao's mother playing with her and singing to her, but few scenes like these were included in the actual movie. A lot of the time, it appeared as though Ponijao and Bayar were just left to their own baby devices. It seemed like their parents did not look after them. It sort of stigmatized their cultures as primitive and uncaring. I think it would have been smart to show some more loving scenes for these two kids.

Babies is 79 minute's worth of adorable babies doing adorable baby things. It's a pleasure to watch and it's more thought provoking than you might think. Check out the trailer here and then go see it as soon as you can.

Tweet Tweet

Dear Fans,

I recently got a twitter account. It is clearly one of the most interesting, thought provoking, and moving twitter accounts ever (second only to Diane Neal), so you should all follow me. The downside to having a twitter account is that now I can't think of any topics for a full-length blog post. I can only think random thoughts that I get excited about and that I post on twitter right away. For example, "This train smells like dog farts," is not an adequate blog post, but it almost made it to twitter. Anyway, the point of telling you all this is just to get more followers. Leen currently has 5, and I have 7. I am winning, but my competitive spirit tells me that I need to win big.

In other exciting news; Pat Benetar and REO Speedwagon are touring together. Hell. Yeah.

Happy New Year!

A couple of things:

1. Happy New Year! That's right, this is our first post of 2010. Clearly, my new years resolution was to post more on this blog.

2. Killer Condoms is now available for all to see on hulu. I highly recommend this movie to anyone with eyes. It's a Troma movie, so it's kind of offensive to... everyone... but it's about condoms with teeth terrorizing NYC. And it's sponsored by KY!

Killer Condoms is intended for mature audiences only... does anyone else giggle when the hulu announcer pronounces the "t" in mature?