Monday, May 31, 2010

A long response to a short question

Have I ever had a negative dentist experience? Actually, buddy, no. I have not been to the dentist since 2008, when I decided that at 20 years of age, it was finally time to move on from my pediatric dentist. Unfortunately for my receding gum line, I did not move on to anywhere.

I did, however, once have a negative oral surgery experience. A couple of years ago I had to have my wisdom teeth out. Most people have stories to tell about their recovery from this much dreaded surgery. Aside from a little nausea from the codeine that I was prescribed and a lasting aversion to any type of custard, my recovery was smooth and easy. The process was the problem for me.

I had a limited number of oral surgeons to choose from, since not many places accepted the kind of insurance that I had at the time. I ended up going to a doctor who smelled very strongly of cigar smoke and who wore the worst toupee that I have ever seen to this day. For some reason, though, these characteristics put my mind at ease and made me feel relaxed. The day I was supposed to go in for my surgery, I felt confident that everything was going to be OK. And in the long run, it was. But an old woman had a stroke in the waiting room while I was waiting to be called back. The office was in a frenzy until the ambulance came to take her to the hospital. I think that this unusual occurrence put the nurse assisting my doctor off her game.

The first thing that I'm pretty sure she did wrong was give me waaaaay too much nitrous oxide. I'm not complaining, I was feeling good. But I'm pretty sure she's supposed to monitor that more closely or something. I guess it wasn't entirely her fault. When she asked if the gas had taken its effect, I may have asked for just a little more...

Anyway, aside from getting me hiiiiiiiiigh, she also couldn't find a vain. She decided to put the IV into my left hand, but it fell out. Evidently, I was bleeding all over the place. I was on so much nitrous oxide, though, that I really didn't care. I apologized and offered to help clean it up. Eventually the doctor came in, put the IV in himself, and then I woke up several hours later with 4 gaping holes in my mouth!!

Anyway, that was longer (and grosser) than your story. I win!

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