if they can do it so can we

New Site

2010-12-02T23:39:00.001-05:00

We have a domain name! If they can do it so can we is now at iftheycandoitsocanwe.com

Imaginary Crime

2010-11-30T22:51:00.002-05:00

Due to my overexposure of television crime (thanks L&O!) I have been known to suffer from the odd bit of irrational paranoia. I was walking home from work tonight, in the darkness of an early winter evening, in the rain, listening to listening to some Robyn, and I saw the shadow of a person walking swiftly behind me. My initial reaction? To be terrified. I glanced back at the shadow and saw that they were using an umbrella and I relaxed immediately.

I don't know why the knowledge that the person behind me was using an umbrella was such an immediate comfort to me until I reached the following hypothesis: Muggers don't use umbrellas. I don't know any muggers so unfortunately I can't ask them about it. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If you were to mug someone, wouldn't you need both hands at your disposal? I imagine it would be hard to be very frightening if one hand was trying to control an umbrella on a windy day. Wouldn't it also be an easy way to identify someone to a near by patrolman? "What did she look like ma'am?" "She was about 5'5" brown hair, average weight, oh yeah, and she had a giant Hello Kitty umbrella."

Re: Dumb ideas for blog posts

2010-11-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

I want to start out by saying that had your Candyman soundtrack post actually made it onto the interweb, I would've enjoyed it IMMENSELY and I'm a little sad that your vision was never fully realized.

To be honest, I wouldn't say I have "stupid" ideas for posts. Not to imply that my posts are of the highest intellectual level, I just think it's more accurate to say I have incomplete ideas for blog posts. And by incomplete, I mean I have only thought of what to title the post. For example, I've had one floating around in my head since May called, "When Your Bus Driver Thinks You're Lazy." Some day that post will be written, and it will be awesome.

On second thought, is it too late to retract my claim that my ideas for blog posts aren't stupid? I forgot that I intended to write a post comparing my cat to Pocahontas.

What I Think When I Plan a Post

2010-11-28T20:57:00.004-05:00

I think that one of the reasons I do not post often is because most of my spur of the moment blog post ideas are really, really stupid. For example, I was thinking about writing a whole post about the "Candyman" soundtrack. That would probably be doable, since the soundtrack was composed by Phillip Glass and is totally awesome, but my post idea was mostly going to be about how I know all the words. There are no words. My post was going to mostly consist of "dododododododododo" and "hohohohohohohoho."

I wanted to post this so that you would all know that I do think about this blog, even though I don't write in it much. I want this blog to reflect how clever and funny I am, so I have to edit my thoughts heavily. Don't worry, I have an outlet for my bad ideas. Basically when I think up a blog post like the one about the "Candyman" soundtrack and then realize how stupid it is, I tweet it instead. Man, I hope the cool celebrities I follow don't read my twitter.

What was your stupidest idea for a post, buddy? The time it takes you to answer my question will say something about your dedication to iftheycandoitsocanwe.blogspot.com.

Noooo! Dobby!!!!!!

2010-11-19T16:13:00.006-05:00

Happy Harry Potter Day, everyone! What better a day to start blogging again than the day of the most anticipated movie event of the season (at least among 16-year-old white kids who like to underage drink, if last night's crowd was anything to judge it by)?! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One is a Harry Potter movie that will get you excited about the franchise again. By far the darkest of the series, this movie is legitimately scary in parts. The very first scene, a meeting of death eaters planing a feasible time frame in which to kill Harry, involves the movie's first, but not final, explicit scene of torture. This scene also made me want to give Snape a big ole' hug, but maybe that was just me.

The series has never really had action-packed action sequences before. The movies, at least as far as I remember them, have always focused more on Harry's metaphorical journey than his literal journey. That's cool I guess. But a chase sequence involving Hagrid's magical motorcycle is also cool. Don't worry, this movie didn't skimp on long, drawn out scenes in which our three heroes talk aaaa loooooot. It just added some more exciting chase scenes and some pretty awesome jump scares for viewers who already know where the Sword of Gryffindor is and don't want to spend 2 hours hearing the characters talk ad-nauseam about where they might find it ("No, it's not in Godric's Hollow, but go there anyway because something awesome and scary will happen!").

The movie also had some pretty touching moments. Don't worry, I definitely didn't cry during the scene with Dobby. Definitely not. No sir... But it was pretty touching. And the kids are finally good actors, so the emotional moments were pretty easy to get in to, rather than painful to watch.... DOBBY, WHY?!?!?

In case you can't tell, I have never been wildly impressed with one of the movies before. I love the books, but the films have always been just boring enough to underwhelm me. Not this one. It was exciting, it took me on a roller coaster of emotion, and it set up the final installment perfectly. It also featured a kick ass animation sequence about the origin of the deathly hollows. If you are not excited about Harry Potter anymore, go see this movie so you can recapture the magic! Was that a good pun? If it was, then it was intended. If not, then what pun? What are you talking about?

Also, Daniel Radcliffe takes his shirt off a lot, which is neat if that's the kind of thing you're into.

a birthday blog!

2010-06-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

First I should begin by wishing my co-blogger and BFF a very happy birthday! My goal was to wish her happy birthday through every technology I could think of and so far I've covered the mail, the telephone, text message, twitter, facebook, and now the blog! If there is one I missed please let me know, I still have about two hours to finish up my mission.

However this is not just one more way to wish you a happy birthday my friend. I have substantive content to provide too. Well...maybe not substantive, but content nonetheless.

Whenever I take the bus, or whenever I leave the house by myself, I always have my iPod with me. It helps insulate me from the awkward situations that I often find myself if I'm ever without my modern defense mechanism. When I get on the bus, I always stare at the slot for my crisp dollar bills, say hello to the driver and hurry to my seat, eyes glued to the floor. I always assumed that the driver reciprocated my cheerful greeting with an equally cheerful salutation of their own. Well I learned today, the first day I've ever actually paused my iPod when getting on the bus, that they don't. I suppose I can't really blame them. It's not as if I went out of my way to make eye contact and really engage them in a human way. And I would get pretty tired of having to greet every passenger that got on my bus.

I always thought that I had this instant connection with bus drivers. Tthere are some people who take the bus only occasionally and that is fine. But not me. I have been a fan of public transportation since middle school. And I thought evidence of my years riding with the CDTA would be clear on my war torn face and would signal to the drivers "Hey, this girl knows what's going on here." It does not.

A long response to a short question

2010-05-31T15:33:00.005-04:00

Have I ever had a negative dentist experience? Actually, buddy, no. I have not been to the dentist since 2008, when I decided that at 20 years of age, it was finally time to move on from my pediatric dentist. Unfortunately for my receding gum line, I did not move on to anywhere.

I did, however, once have a negative oral surgery experience. A couple of years ago I had to have my wisdom teeth out. Most people have stories to tell about their recovery from this much dreaded surgery. Aside from a little nausea from the codeine that I was prescribed and a lasting aversion to any type of custard, my recovery was smooth and easy. The process was the problem for me.

I had a limited number of oral surgeons to choose from, since not many places accepted the kind of insurance that I had at the time. I ended up going to a doctor who smelled very strongly of cigar smoke and who wore the worst toupee that I have ever seen to this day. For some reason, though, these characteristics put my mind at ease and made me feel relaxed. The day I was supposed to go in for my surgery, I felt confident that everything was going to be OK. And in the long run, it was. But an old woman had a stroke in the waiting room while I was waiting to be called back. The office was in a frenzy until the ambulance came to take her to the hospital. I think that this unusual occurrence put the nurse assisting my doctor off her game.

The first thing that I'm pretty sure she did wrong was give me waaaaay too much nitrous oxide. I'm not complaining, I was feeling good. But I'm pretty sure she's supposed to monitor that more closely or something. I guess it wasn't entirely her fault. When she asked if the gas had taken its effect, I may have asked for just a little more...

Anyway, aside from getting me hiiiiiiiiigh, she also couldn't find a vain. She decided to put the IV into my left hand, but it fell out. Evidently, I was bleeding all over the place. I was on so much nitrous oxide, though, that I really didn't care. I apologized and offered to help clean it up. Eventually the doctor came in, put the IV in himself, and then I woke up several hours later with 4 gaping holes in my mouth!!

Anyway, that was longer (and grosser) than your story. I win!

McTeague, DDS

2010-05-29T13:04:00.000-04:00

A lot of people hate the dentist. Nothing new about that. However having recently survived a particularly scary trip to the dentist, while in the chair I heard things you don't want to hear the dentist say:
   "I don't know if I'm supposed to do this, wait while I check with the dental hygienist."
   "[after reentering the room] That was your chance to get away."
   "Don't swallow."
Have you had any traumatic experiences in the dentist's chair?

reflections: university at albany edition

2010-05-26T21:31:00.000-04:00

Warning: I'm listening to Les Mis while I write this, so if my tone seems overly tragic and pre-French revolutionary-esque, that's why.

I also took 5 years to graduate, but not because I did a school related program teaching me how to be an entrepreneur, but because I left the first University I attended and took a year off to wallow in self pity. As a result I think my feelings on my alma mater are different than yours for a number of reasons--one being U of R was your first choice (and for the sake of clarification, University OF Rochester is a fancy private school whereas University AT Albany is just one campus in the SUNY system and is inherently less impressive than U of R) while University at Albany was a last resort and at the time I thought going to college in the same city I was born and raised was the ultimate failure. So I didn't really have high hopes for my experience at UAlbany. While you went to school whose campus was an arboretum, I went to school on a concrete rectangle.

Maybe because I enrolled expecting to hate it, the fact that it wasn't terrible made it seem amazing. I will admit that there are some problems with the curriculum and as a public university that is facing unprecedented budget cuts, it's not the happiest place on Earth. Despite all of my own baggage and the school's short comings, I was really happy there. And the more I think about it, the more I realize how lucky I was. I wouldn't say I'm full of school pride (as I didn't attend a single UAlbany sporting event in my four years there), I am incredibly proud of my degree. Mainly because every time I think about it I remember the amazing professors I had and the friends I made. And while I couldn't be happier that I will never have to take another gen ed class or have to cram in time to study for a Latin test, I will miss skipping class and hanging out in the writing center all day, and that giddy feeling I would get everyday on my way to my Detective Fiction classes.

Only a week and a half late!

2010-05-25T13:43:00.007-04:00

File this entry under "timely" because now that it has been over a week since commencement at both of the prestigious universities that we attended, I would like to take some time to reflect on my thoughts about graduation. Before you can understand my "feelings," which I know you all want to do, I would like to say something about my college experience. I spent 5 years getting my undergraduate degree. Five straight years of school is too much, never let anyone tell you otherwise. My 5th year program was meant to teach me about entrepreneurship and provide me with the skills needed to be a successful social entrepreneur. I do not know why I thought an entrepreneurship program would help me in my desired career as a research librarian, but it seemed like a good alternative to moving in with my parents at the time I applied. The only thing that I really got out of this program was learning how to spell entrepreneurship, which I guess is a lifelong skill...

Anyway, I did not enjoy my final year at the University of Rochester. More than anything right now I am relieved that school is over and I am looking forward to not having homework for the first time since 2nd grade. At the same time, though, I think all of the talk that I heard for 5 years at the U of R, about how wonderful the school is and how there is no other University quite like it and how lucky and smart and talented all U of R students are, actually got to me. I'm excited to move on. I'm excited to start working full time. I'm excited to have options for the first time since I was applying to school. But I am a nostalgic person by nature, and although I've been looking forward to graduating since September, I can't help feeling a little sentimental about what I'm leaving behind.

Even though there were many, many things that I did not like about the school, I still feel pride in my degree. I feel proud to say that I am an alumna of the University of Rochester. I know that I will miss sitting on the quad and being able to see every single one of my friends walking past throughout the day. I will definitely miss having the option to skip class and sleep in. I think most of all I'll miss going to Rush Rhees library and being surrounded by every book I could possibly want to read. I saw a small tapestry in the book store with Rush Rhees Library on it and came sooo close to paying $50 for it, but I didn't. I guess I will miss Rush Rhees, but not $50 worth.

So, as much as I hate to admit it, I do bleed Dandelion yellow. I will miss the experience of being a college student. I will miss going to classes on a campus that is also an arboretum. Meliora, University of Rochester. See you at my first reunion.

What about you, buddy? What do you think about your shiny new diploma?

if you were a psychic you would already know what this post says

2010-05-20T16:55:00.001-04:00

Today was the first day I ventured out of the house in a while. Well, more like 29 hours, but that can feel like a long time if all you're doing is watching Bones. I was worried that I had contracted my roommate's illness and quarantined myself. Not surprisingly I am fine, and was able to take care of some business this afternoon. That's right, I have business and I took care of it! At a lunch meeting no less. I am a grown up now. Anyway, after my business lunch I decided to go to the local Psychic to get my palm read, a decision that only serves to reinforce the conclusion that I am an adult.

Now this is my first time going to a psychic (well except the free on at the book launch for the final Harry Potter) so I didn't really know what to expect. There was one of those folding screens that blocked a woman who was in the middle of the consultation with the older male psychic who I am assured is the real deal. However since he was busy, I got to meet with the older woman who was sitting on the white pleather couch who was in the middle of eating her lunch and watching a special on the History channel. She spoke quickly and with a heavy accent that I couldn't really place. After a few minutes of generic platitudes I was easily distracted by the 5 Hour Energy drink commercial. It was a tricky session because about half the things she said were totally wrong but she did say "When you walk on street, you have smile on face, but not in heart."

After about 5 minutes it was over and I was faced with the biggest problem of my time there...do you tip a psychic? If I were to evaluate based on quality of service, while this woman was obviously friendly and moderately mystical, she was clearly dealing in bullshit. On the other hand I didn't want to get anyone's bad vibes sent after me for not tipping the old psychic lady. So I decided I better do it, just in case.

Next time I'm doing a tarot card reading, no more of the amateur palm reading bs.

But on the bright side I will be successful in anything I try because I can open a hundred doors using my words.

Honest, Abe? Vampires?

2010-05-12T23:23:00.010-04:00

I learned a fun new fact today. For many years now, I have believed that epistolary novels have to be written as a series of letters. However, as some of you may know, epistolary novels can be written in the form of any collection of documents, be they letters, journal entries, newspaper clippings, or any other document that strikes your fancy. Thinking back about epistolary novels that I have read in the past (Dracula, for one. How appropriate!), I should have known this... but I am not the sharpest tool in the shed so it was news to me! Anyway, apparently I read an epistolary novel this week without knowing it at the time. That novel was none other than Seth Grahame-Smith's Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

This book has gotten some mixed reviews. Apparently the novelty of mixing classic literature (or in this case, a well know historical biography) with spooky scary monsters is getting a little old. I did not read Grahame-Smith's other books (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters), so the concept is still relatively fresh to my simple mind. I found that I was really taken in by the story, as straight-forward and outrageous as it was. This book had it all. It was legitimately scary at parts, and there was a lot more gore than your average historical biography. I laughed, I (almost but not really) cried, I felt my pulse race. Grahame-Smith was able to make the ridiculousness of vampires fit seamlessly into Lincoln's life story. Almost every tragedy that befell the man was attributed to vampires, and in the reality of the novel it seemed to make complete sense.

One thing that I did not like about the book was that slavery's hold on the South was blamed onvampires. In the wake of Bob McDonnell's declaration of Confederate History Month in Virginia, I found this a little hard to stomach. As ridiculous as it is to put the blame on vampires, I think that it's important for people to acknowledge the reality of the past. Looking back at the institution of slavery and denying that it was something that the vast majority of white Americans had a role in perpetuating is a way of glossing over past injustices. It's a way of denying the history of racism in America. So even though it is obviously absurd to allege that American slavery was as firmly ingrained in society as it was because it served the "Southern vampire interests," that aspect of the plot still made me a little uneasy.

Overall, the book is about what you would expect from something called Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. It's funny, ridiculous, and at times pretty scary. I was surprised to find that I cared a lot more about Abe, and even the secondary characters, than I thought I would. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is into vampires, the Civil War, historical biographies, or some bizarre combination of the three (i.e. I would recommend this book to someone who is exactly like me). Especially if you're not tired of Grahame-Smith's gimmick.

Also, Tim Burton is going to make the film version of this book. I think if he handles it like he didSleepy Hollow, it will be amazing. Just in case anyone important reads this: Johnny Depp is not tall enough to play Abraham Lincoln.* I don't care how much movie magic you use.

*Update: I have been up all night agonizing over where I got this joke from. As Leen pointed out, it's actually funny. I finally remembered that I got the Johnny Depp being short idea from this review at Film School Rejects. They are excited about Abe Lincoln in platform shoes. I am not. Just wanted to stay honest.

Babies Everywhere!

2010-05-12T00:49:00.007-04:00

A few weeks ago, while we we reading the paper, my roommate pointed to an add for a movie and said, "We should see this. It's like March of the Penguins, but with babies." So, naturally, I got together a group of friends to see Thomas Balmes' documentary Babies on its opening night. I didn't read anything about it, but I sure hyped it up in my mind. Cute babies, being babies, doing baby things, for 79 minutes! What could be better?! By last week, I was so excited I could think of nothing but Babies. Then, Friday night, all my hopes and dreams came true (Except for the hope and dream of a post graduation job, but I'll take what I can get in the hopes and dreams department).

Babies definitely lived up to the hype that may or may not surround it outside of my mind. The babies were adorable. Bayar, the baby from Mongolia, was particularly cute. It was also a beautifully shot film. The landscapes of Mongolia and Namibia are nicely contrasted to the sky lines of San Francisco and Tokyo, and all of the regions represented in the film were stunning. Babies has no narration or translation, so at times it can be frustrating to watch. There were things that I would have liked to learn more about. What was that red stuff that Ponijao's mom was rubbing on her pregnant belly, then later on Ponijao's head? Who were those other kids that Bayar was playing with? What's with Mari's baby leg warmers? There are a lot of things in the movie that go unexplained, but I think that it helped demonstrate the point that no matter what kind of culture a baby is raised in, there are some experiences that are universal.

The one critique that I have about the movie, one that was shared by everyone I went with, was that there were not a lot of loving scenes included for Ponijao and Bayar and their parents. In the ending credits, there were several clips of Ponijao's mother playing with her and singing to her, but few scenes like these were included in the actual movie. A lot of the time, it appeared as though Ponijao and Bayar were just left to their own baby devices. It seemed like their parents did not look after them. It sort of stigmatized their cultures as primitive and uncaring. I think it would have been smart to show some more loving scenes for these two kids.

Babies is 79 minute's worth of adorable babies doing adorable baby things. It's a pleasure to watch and it's more thought provoking than you might think. Check out the trailer here and then go see it as soon as you can.

Tweet Tweet

2010-03-10T15:00:00.003-05:00

Dear Fans,

I recently got a twitter account. It is clearly one of the most interesting, thought provoking, and moving twitter accounts ever (second only to Diane Neal), so you should all follow me. The downside to having a twitter account is that now I can't think of any topics for a full-length blog post. I can only think random thoughts that I get excited about and that I post on twitter right away. For example, "This train smells like dog farts," is not an adequate blog post, but it almost made it to twitter. Anyway, the point of telling you all this is just to get more followers. Leen currently has 5, and I have 7. I am winning, but my competitive spirit tells me that I need to win big.

In other exciting news; Pat Benetar and REO Speedwagon are touring together. Hell. Yeah.

Happy New Year!

2010-03-05T12:07:00.003-05:00

A couple of things:

1. Happy New Year! That's right, this is our first post of 2010. Clearly, my new years resolution was to post more on this blog.

2. Killer Condoms is now available for all to see on hulu. I highly recommend this movie to anyone with eyes. It's a Troma movie, so it's kind of offensive to... everyone... but it's about condoms with teeth terrorizing NYC. And it's sponsored by KY!

Killer Condoms is intended for mature audiences only... does anyone else giggle when the hulu announcer pronounces the "t" in mature?

from depression to obsession to depression

2009-11-02T20:43:00.003-05:00

Suggested song to listen to while reading this post: "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey

Well buddy, you have certainly been doing the majority of the blogging for the past....six months. The tables certainly had turned, but my blogging hiatus is finally over. I hadn't posted because I so rarely have anything to say, and when I do have something to talk about, I usually have too much to say, and that keeps me away too. However, keeping with our new "themed" posts, I need to write about our favorite subject, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

If you were to flash back to June of this year, you would meet a girl unafraid of stumbling across butchered bodies in everyday life, a girl who did not wonder "If I was murdered right now, what would Elliot and Olivia uncover about my life during their investigation?" But after I moved in late June, I got depressed. I felt like a displaced person and I needed a break. Enter Instant Netflix, complete with Seasons 1-7 (they have since posted seasons 8-10 too) of Law and Order: SVU, which I had never seen. Remembering how much you liked it, I figured I'd watch an episode or two and see if I liked it. Cut too November 1st, just over four months later, you would see that same girl, depressed again, but for a very different reason. You see after watching one episode, that girl was so compelled, that she continued to watch, episode after episode, grizzly rape/murder/suicide after grizzly rape/murder/child abduction. And in a little over four months, she had watched her way through the entire series. Over 220 episodes. I am now completely up to date. And here I am, just like everybody else, anxiously waiting for the newest episode to be posted on iTunes. No new case to solve, no rules to bend, no new ADAs to constantly compare to the irreplaceable Alex Cabot. Let me tell you buddy, I don't like this new world. I don't like having some time to kill and not being able to fill that time with Elliot, Olivia, Munch, Finn and Alex. I don't like it one bit.

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman... Helen?

2009-10-30T13:46:00.006-04:00

Hello Reader(s)! I don't know what the response will be to my new goal of blogging about horror movies will be, but since it's the day before Halloween I figure it's a timely topic, whether it becomes a weekly thing or not. So I have decided to compile a list of scary movies for people who want to get in on the holiday spirit, but who don't actually like scary movies. I have a feeling this has been done before... but not by me!

Candyman (1992)
Candyman is a legitimately scary movie that has the potential to appeal to people who are not particularly interested in monster movies. Candyman features a strong script, a fantastic performance by Virginia Madsen, and a haunting score by PHILLIP FUCKING GLASS. Candyman is the story of University of Illinois graduate student Helen Lyle (Madsen) who is writing a thesis about urban legends. When she finds out from her cleaning lady that residents of a housing project attribute a series of murders in their neighborhood to the Candyman, Helen goes in to investigate the deaths. While the issue of a white savior coming in to rescue the helpless black folks is in full play here, Candyman deals with issues of race and class in a more complicated way than you might initially expect. Most of the scares for me came from Tony Todd's creeeeeeeepy voice-overs. There's not a lot of gore here, though there are a few bloody scenes. This movie does a great job of making you wonder if the main character is really seeing the Candyman or if she is just bat shit insane. Candyman is a very well made film, and so I think it is a horror movie for people who are just into movies... Did that sentence make sense or have meaning?

Bloody Mallory (2002)
One of the most entertaining horror comedies I've seen in years, Bloody Mallory is the story of a team of paranormal investigators/demon hunters who work for the French government and are called upon to save the life of a crotchety old Pope. The team consists of Mallory, who got into this work after accidentallyarrying a dddemone should have known he was evil because he had a soul patch), Vena Cava, a transgendered weapons expert with attitude, and Talking Tina, a 12-year-old mute telepath. When the Pope is kidnapped on French soil, the team is sent to a town populated by possessed worshipers of the fallen angel Abaddon to bring him back to safety. This movie also features a succubus with a giant clit on her forehead, which isn't as offensive as it sounds. This movie is completely ridiculous and a lot of fun, but it's not at all scary. Definitely a great movie for people who aren't into being scared to watch on Halloween.

Otto; or, Up with Dead People (2008)
This one is for all our readers who like to think. While the other two movies on this list are both available on Hulu, Otto is still doing the festival circuit, and so it's probably not a realistic Halloween treat for most people. If you do get the chance to see it though, I highly recommend it. I do not even know how to begin explaining the plot of this movie, since it's not really a standard narrative film. The synopsis given on the official website doesn't quite cover everything. Basically, a zombie gets cast in a movie about zombie rights, and the plot is about his experience as a gay zombie and the filmmaker's attempt to finish her masterpiece. The movie explicitly plays with the whole "zombies as a metaphor for political/social change" concept, and does it in a way that most zombie movies do not - it puts Otto in the midst of an existential crisis (I think). A warning; this film is extremely gory.

I would also like to recommendd Dead Snow (or Død snø, 2009) as a horror movie for people who like horror movies. This Norwegian movie about Nazi zombies has it all; blood, guts, sex, and snowmobiles. It is a definite treat for any zombie fan.

Happy Halloween!

Taking things in new and exciting directions!

2009-10-28T15:59:00.002-04:00

In light of the fact that someone actually read our blog today (Leen will have more on that later), I thought I should update it!

Believe it or not, I've actually been thinking a lot lately about what would make me update this thing of beauty a little more regularly. I thought about maybe giving the blog a theme so that I could write about my interests. Then I thought about my interests.

Law and Order
Horror Movies
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me

I think it's pretty obvious what I have to do. I mean, there are already so many Wait Wait episode recap blogs out there, does the world really need another one?! So I'm thinking about Special Victim Sundays and Freaky Fridays or something like that. What do you think, buddy? Five days of the week to talk about WHATEVER WE WANT and two days of the week that we get to write witty and intellectually stimulating posts about my interests? What does our reader think?

If They Can Do It So Can We: The Movie

2009-08-30T21:07:00.004-04:00

I just saw Julie and Julia. Do you think someday, someone will make a movie out of our blog?

I hope we get Michael Bay.

Why We Are Friends

2009-08-26T23:57:00.003-04:00

Though Leen and I have had several disagreements over the years, few have been so divisive as the Casey Novak v Alex Cabot debate. For those of you who don't know, Casey and Alex are fictional Assistant District Attorneys who prosecute the cases of the dedicated detectives of the Special Victims Unit on Law and Order, SVU. Alex Cabot served with dedication for nine years before a case involving a Colombian drug lord forced her into the witness protection program. Casey Novak was her replacement, and though Alex was a tough act to follow, Casey was as passionate and committed a public servant as ever worked at the District Attorney's office.

While I am completely head over heals for both of these characers, Leen has, for the past several months, insisted that Casey sucks. I feel that Casey's willingness to risk her career time and time again and to bend the rules in the name of justice make her a better attorney. It also got her disbarred, but that's besides the point. While my friendship with Leen has remained strong throughout the years, her constant comparisons of Casey to Alex, in which Casey always turned up short, touched a nerve. I was Casey Novak for Halloween last year, after all. It felt like Leen was telling me that I was not as badass as Alex Cabot. That all changed tonight, when Leen sent this message:

"Could Casey Novack be any cooler? ONLY if she was Alex Cabot"

You're coming around, Buddy, and I'm glad to see it. You have the right to remain compelled.

Update of the Month

2009-08-23T14:58:00.003-04:00

I am going to go ahead and give this post the coveted title of "Update of the Month" in light of the fact that it will most likely be the only update of this month. Blogging is harder than I thought it would be.

I would like to take this opportunity to talk about technology's place in society. Clearly, no one has ever tried to tackle the subject of technology’s role in social interactions, and so you can add “trailblazer” to the list of my many accomplishments. I feel compelled to write this, however, after a drive to the beach with a friend who will remain unnamed. This friend offered to make the 30 minute drive to Irondequoit on the most perfect day for the beach I’ve seen this summer. He offered to go with three of his friends, people he chooses to interact with on a daily basis. However, on the drive there, he pulled out his iPhone at each stoplight to check face book (and other, less family friendly social networking sites) rather than communicating with his passengers. When asked why he felt compelled to do this, he claimed that he would have plenty of time to talk to us at the beach, and he felt no need to chit chat on the ride there. Of course, he was sort of joking when he said that, and after being mocked repeatedly for his iPhone addiction he put the phone down, and whipped out his Speedo.

Technology is great for helping people communicate. A friend who just moved to Maine to work on a farm keeps a blog about her farming experience that enables her to let her whole family know what is going on in her life. My mother is finally learning how to text, and so I’m sure I can look forward to many poorly written sentence fragments from her in the coming weeks. It concerns me, though, that so many people find impersonal interactions on devices like iPhones and Blackberries to be more fulfilling than a conversation with a friend about the woman in the car next to you who was just picking her nose at the red light. Are these people using technology as a way to make up for some kind of social anxiety, as a form of less stressful communication? Or has technology become an unnecessary crutch in the social interactions of people who would be just fine without it?

bootlace, bootleg, bootless, bootlick, bootneck?

2009-05-01T12:08:00.003-04:00

Song: "Handle Me" by Robyn
Problem: Potential racial slur
Feelings: Mixed

In the song there is a hard to understand line, that to my ears sounded like "Boot-necked, Hispanic creep." I like to think of myself as being hip with all of the new slang, but boot-necked, was not an expression I was familiar with, which is why I wasn't sure that it was a racial slur. To my knowledge "Hispanic" isn't a slur, and "creep" while not a nice thing to say, doesn't typically apply to one group of people more than another. But for all I knew the combination of innocuous words like Hispanic and creep could become a fatal (and very rude) slur.

After searching urbandictionary.com I found out that boot-necked is an actual thing and it is: Royal Marine (British Special Forces). Known to each other as "Royal" but the rest of the British Forces know them as boot necks. This nickname is derived from them cutting the top from a leather boot and wearing it like a modern neck brace to stop sailors cutting their throat while they guarded officers on board British sailing ships in the days of old. This certainly doesn't have anything to do with Hispanic people.

Finally I caved and searched the various websites that have song lyrics on them. I put it off for a while because they are usually very unreliable. According to three such websites, the line is "Boot licking Nazi creep." In my defense, they blur the Nazi part because apparently you can't sing about fascists without being censored by fascists.

Song: "Handle Me" by Robyn
Problem: Censorship
Feelings: Mixed

the moment i've been waiting for

2009-04-29T13:06:00.002-04:00

I've done some pretty exciting things in my life. I've seen great concerts, outstanding comedians, and even been known to stay home alone on a Friday night and watch Foyle's War in bed all night. It's a very glamorous life. However, the greatest night of my life is swiftly approaching and I didn't even know it until yesterday. On May 1st, 2009 one of my life goals will have been accomplished. I will be attending a Sound of Music sing-along at the Palace Theater in Albany, NY. You might wonder, Eileen, who is possibly qualified to host such a magical night? Well, I would tell you that the event is being hosted by Charmian Carr (Liesl von Trapp). You might ask, What actually happens at a Sound of Music sing-along? Where to begin? There will be costume contests, Julie Andrews look-a-likes, goodie bags, and I can finally watch a movie where it is ENCOURAGED that you shout at the screen and sing along with the songs. It will be heaven. To quote the Palace Theater website "the first rule of Sing-Along is THERE ARE NO RULES!" That's right buddy. Julie Andrews look-a-likes, goodie bags, singing, no rules.

not to sound petty but

2009-04-27T13:29:00.002-04:00

...Eve 6's highest charting song was "Inside Out", which peaked at number 11 in 1998 on the Top 40. Third Eye Blind had two songs that reached number 1 on the Top 40, "Semi-charmed Life" and "Jumper" in 1997 and 1999 respectively.

I forget, did Third Eye Blind break-up, get back together with only two of the original three members, and only manage to write 2 new songs in 8 years?

Enough said.

In your face!

2009-04-23T22:27:00.002-04:00

This weekend I will be reliving middle school. I know, I know. For young people across America, middle school is, was, and ever shall be the most uncomfortable period of an adolescent's life. Why would I want to relive such a time? Well, I will be reliving the good times that I had in middle school (which you were not there for, as we were in the midst of our friendship break) when I see Eve 6 on Saturday. They are playing for free, but I would be willing to pay up to $7 to see them perform.

Try to control your jealousy, and feel free to rub it in my face when Third Eye Blind plays at the Tulip Fest. Also, please note that I am including a photo with this post because I feel the need to compete with your giant Smartee pictures.

re: snack du jour

2009-04-23T15:31:00.003-04:00

A comparative shot--a giant Smartie and a quarter. I told you they were big!

Snack du jour!

2009-04-22T12:20:00.004-04:00

On my facebook profile, under interests it states: Real life things in miniature. As luck would have it, the reverse is also true. I really enjoy things that are normally small in gigantic sizes. So I was really excited to see GIANT Smarties in the Campus "Grocery" Store. I am not sure if this is true at your institution of higher learning, but at our campus store we will randomly have candy that used to be really popular and isn't anymore. I imagine a backroom stashed to the top with beloved candy from the 90's that no one really wants anymore and they'll periodically stock some of these items in front, and I usually buy them in bulk and then I'll never see them again. I played this ridiculous game with Sixlets all last semester. While I feel like Smarties have remained relatively popular (they are frequently found in the jumbo variety bags of candy)--but I think we can all agree that giant Smarties had a limited run back in the day. Needless to say I am more than happy to welcome them back into my life, even if it's only for a short while. I realize that it's hard to tell from the picture above that they are giant Smarties because there isn't really anything to compare it too--they could be in a small dish. But trust me friend, they are giant Smarties. I know this because when I Google imaged searched "Giant Smarties" this is what came up, and Google wouldn't lie to a gal like that.

Sticking It to the Man

2009-04-19T21:35:00.002-04:00

This is ridiculous. It's been almost a month since our (your) last post. I think I'm too busy reading blogs to be able to write one.

Anyway, this month's post is about how to deal with your nasty bank policies. I would like to use stronger language than "nasty," but lets try and keep this a family friendly blog. Once upon a time, I bought some books on Amazon (which I would not now do for this completely unrelated reason). For over drafting my account by about $20 I ended up getting hit with over $100 in overdraft fees. When I called my friendly bankers they basically told me to fuck off. So I filed a complaint at the OCC's website, and eventually got a $105 refund from my bank. Even though, after additional charges, I'm still out about $60, I feel like I took on The Man and kicked ass. Anyone who gets screwed with overdraft fees should feel free to do the same.

I guess this blog is no longer family friendly. Oops.

professional underappreciation

2009-03-20T14:29:00.002-04:00

Everyone knows that I am a very hard worker. The fact that I'm writing this while at work is case and point. So today when someone found a pair of nice sunglasses near my cube, I took it upon myself to send out a friendly e-mail inquiring about who they might belong to. The message was as follows: Found--nice pair of sunglasses. Please stop by if you have recently lost a pair. I will administer a brief test to prove your ownership of aforementioned sunglasses so please bring a number two pencil and the periodic table of elements.

And you know what happened? Nothing. Nata. Zip. Granted, I did recycle that joke from when I found an earring in an office where I used to work. But at least they appreciated me! I got several replies from bemused coworkers and some people actually did stop by with a pencil and a copy of the periodic table! But here I am, two years later in a new office and no laughs. Has the periodic table of elements become less funny in recent months? Last time I checked it was still hilarious.

But there you have it friend. This is why you shouldn't work hard, because when you do, no one laughs and brings you a copy of the periodic table of elements. People suck.

Questionable Taste

2009-03-18T20:28:00.003-04:00

I don't really understand why I'm so amazed by this, but Alyssa Milano has designed a line of outerwear for the New York Mets. Everything she designed is on sale, and I have no idea how long this has been going on. I have no real comments, but I thought I would just bring this to your attention.

I was wrong. She doesn't limit herself to outer wear. Go here to see her model her own t-shirts!

for the love of the blog

2009-03-16T10:57:00.002-04:00

Last night faithful roommate and ray of sunshine TKG decided to start a blog (www.thisistherecession.blogspot.com) about good deals to help save some money during these tough economic times. She was so excited about blogging and all it had to offer. And it only served to demonstrate how neglectful I have been of this little blog of ours. Although you have been more neglectful than I have, I knew that going in and expected as much. I have no such excuse. So I would like to reassert my commitment to this blog. Like our friendship tree, it will not grow without water, and here come the rain clouds! Not much has happened lately, however His Holiness the Dalai Lama might be coming to UAlbany in April, so at least I have that to look forward too. Although two other local schools (Skidmore and RPI) denied the invitation to host his arrival, so it does kind of lessen my excitement, no one likes being sssssloppy sssseconds (or in this case sloppy thirds).

excerpt from my morning email from my mother

2009-03-12T13:16:00.002-04:00

Also, Bristol Palin broke up with her boyfriend, and a man tried to kill himself by jumping into Niagara Falls. He survived, though he fought tooth and nail to die!

FACEinHOLE

2009-03-01T22:04:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

FACEinHOLE

2009-03-01T21:56:00.001-05:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

"I am a person of substance!"

2009-02-23T11:20:00.003-05:00

I was in the car with my mom the other day. This is what happened.
"Eileen, I think I'm going to go see Revolutionary Road with A tonight."
"Oh, that was a great movie. But I don't think you'll like it very much," I warned.
"You don't give me any credit. I like plenty of movies with substance and depth!"
"Name one," I prompted.
She paused and replied matter-of-factly: "Love Actually"

*hysterical laughter*
"Try again Lo"

*long thoughtful pause*
"Bend it Like Beckham?"

because everyone wants to know what i think about kanye

2009-02-17T12:13:00.003-05:00

So I've read a lot (two is a lot right?) of reviews about Kanye West's new album (808s and Heartbreak) and they are all correct. It is visionary and it is terrible, it is one of my new favorite albums and I hate listening to it, all at the same time. Honestly I love it, and to get you to love it too, I thought we could play a fun game.

True or False-- the following is an actual lyric from the song "Say You Will": When I grab your neck, I touch your soul.

Don't Tell Us Which One is Funnier

2009-02-15T23:32:00.003-05:00

I am very pleased with the new layout. It's sleek and sophisticated; just like me!

As Eileen and I are constantly in competition to find out which one of us is funnier, I wanted to post something HILARIOUS to out do her last post. Unfortunately the only topic that I can think of right now is Dolly Parton. I am very serious about my love for Dolly, so this post will not be funny.

I first began to take Dolly Parton seriously as an artist when I heard her Academy Award nominated song "Travelin' Thru" from the Transamerica soundtrack. It caught my ear because it is a badass motherfucking song, but it stuck with me for another reason. It seemed out of place for this woman, who seemingly aspires to an ideal of Southern femininity, to be performing on the soundtrack of a movie with such a progressive message. Next, I saw 9 to 5. I saw Dolly espousing feminist values in the workplace, and doing it in the most adorable way humanly possible. Dolly Parton is a mystery to me; she apparently holds relatively progressive values, and yet she presents herself in a very traditional way. She doesn't even go to bed without makeup on for fear that she will have to run out in an emergency and be caught barefaced, but she's willing to write the score for a musical about equality at work. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I absolutely love Dolly Parton as a musician and as a human being. I had to write this whole long post because just saying "HOLY SHIT I LOVE DOLLY SO MUCH!" is creepy and weird, though accurate.

For Dolly Parton's own take on her personal style, see "Backwoods Barbie," the titular track of her most recent release.

if you tell a joke, and no one is around to hear it, can you still laugh?

2009-02-15T16:28:00.003-05:00

I am a very funny person. This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Unfortunately because you are so far away most of the time, and I don't get to see TC nearly enough, I'm the only one who really appreciates just how funny I am. The people in the office where I work are nice enough, but they are all so much older than me, they just think I'm a "weird young person," and I don't know that many people on campus, so most of the time I'm alone thinking how funny I am to myself. Surprisingly, life has become really boring for me, so to try and spice things up, I try and think of little things I can do each day to amuse myself. One of my favorites is to deliberately confuse at least two people a day.

Last night I was at work (just imagine any small, generic, retail store) and while the people I work with are nice, they are...simple. And whenever I'm there with just the manager I get this feeling of something dark crushing my soul. So, anyway, last night there were a couple of people working, so it wasn't too bad. And I was standing near the manager, "watching the floor" and Torn came on the radio and I (understandably) got really excited. I could tell that the manager was ignoring me, and was going to keep ignoring me unless I suddenly grabbed a bunch of merchandise and walked out of the store. So I went into a long speech about Torn and Natalie Imbruglia, "Did you know this song was actually a cover? Yeah- it was recorded in 1993 by Ednaswap. I wonder if they got upset because her version was such a massive success. I wonder if they think about Natalie Imbruglia a lot. I hope they have a group of loyal fans who support them no matter what. I bet Ednaswap fans HATE Natalie Imbruglia, even if the band members themselves don't. I wonder what happened to Natalie Imbruglia? I think her contract with L'Oreal lapsed a while ago. I mean I know she married Daniel Johns, who is the lead singer of Silverchair. I hope they are still married. What if they have kids? I bet their kids would be adorable. I wish they were my parents, they'd be the cool parents, unless they smell like pachouli " and on and on until eventually my manager just looked at me like I was retarded and walked away. Then someone else I work who hadn't heard any of this walked over and I just launched into the exact same speech. After I had finished I thought this whole situation was so hilarious I promptly started laughing uncontrollably.

ALERT SERIOUS ISSUE: What the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?

2009-02-11T09:21:00.008-05:00

Last night Dan Savage came to the University at Albany as the keynote speaker for Sexuality Week (there was also a book signing and reception). As a fan of Dan Savage I was really excited to go and he lived up to all of my expectations. He was warm, hilarious, honest, smart and all around delightful. During the Q & A someone in the audience mentioned that Fred Phelps was coming to Albany and would be protesting at Albany High School and University at Albany Headquarters on Broadway and asked Dan Savage if he had any advice. This was a complete shock to me, what the hell does Fred Phelps want with Albany?

Have to be honest, I don't know that much about Fred Phelps, I know that he protests at the funeral of dead soldiers, and claims "that the dead are proof that God hates America for tolerating homosexuality" and he protested at Matthew Shephard's funeral -- so I knew that he is a fucking bigot and an asshole of the highest degree.

"Fred Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka announced on his Web site that his group will protest outside Albany High School and the University at Albany the morning of March 6.
The Web site said Phelps aims to share "the truth" with the "2,900 young souls (who) are attending and being lied to regularly at this High School." In its explanation for choosing Albany as a stop on its national tour, the group uses numerous anti-gay slurs, quotes Bible verses and refers to President Barack Obama as "Antichrist." "

Dan Savage said that one school where Fred Phelps was protesting held a counter protest and over 300 people from the community went, and he said that if he were a closeted teen, that would have been an incredibly important moment for him, especially if his parents were intolerant. But on the other hand the best thing to do would be ignore them completely. Basically if you are going to counter protest, you need 300 people--it can't just be 10 people shouting back at them. In a Times Union article, they discuss that dilemma, do you ignore them and not take the bait? Or can we all come together and basically run their insane asses out of town? My concern is that if we ignore Fred Phelps, that a closeted teen will feel like we're ignoring them too--that they will feel unsafe and unwelcome in Albany, if we let these bigots come and spew their hatred all of our community and innocent kids who just want to be who they are. (Read Times Union piece here:http://www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=766954) If they think they can come to my school, a school were I spent 4 years learning more about the world than these insane, hateful, bigots will ever know, if they think they can come to Albany High and hold me (and anyone who goes or has gone to AHS) accountable to "the word of God," they have another thing coming. So I'm not sure what you guys think, but I know where I'm going to be Friday March 6, 2009.

Anne's Monthly Post

2009-02-09T12:59:00.004-05:00

Hey, Buddy, I wouldn't worry too much about what happened when you met Louis CK. I'm sure celebrities love to talk about other celebrities when people are lining up to meet them.

I don't know enough about astrology, I've always wondered if I would come to better know myself if I had a more firm understanding of what it means to be a Gemini. Any little nuggets of truth (sorry for the really gross expression) that you could share?

Anyway, as you have frequently pointed out over the past couple of weeks, I am very bad at posting on this thing. I would promise to be better, yet again, but we both know that would be an empty promise. Instead, I'll just tell you about my weekend.

I skipped a very important conference about student leadership so I could go to an art gallery (Where are my priorities?!). Most of the work on display there was amazing. But, remember when you told me that you tried to learn about abstract art by making abstract art, and you failed miserably? I think I saw a few pieces that greatly resembled your paintings, so I think you should work on putting together an Eileen Cataldo retrospective. It's not like I don't appreciate shape and color in and of themselves, I do. And it's not that I am a stickler for realism, because I'm really not. I just don't understand what a few pieces of died black rope glued to the wall in a remarkably unpleasing pattern has to do with the fusion of painting and sculpture. I also think pre-Enlightenment portraits of children who look exactly like small adults who wear baby clothes are really creepy.

I also saw the Korean movie "Tale of Two Sisters." It was the inspiration for "The Uninvited," but without that woman's bad hair. It was also without a clear plot, but as Rachel pointed out, that was just to make you identify more with the main character, who had no idea what the fuck was going on most of the time. I think you should see "Tale of Two Sisters," in part because it was amazing, but also because everyone had great hair.

Is Sextrology Sexist?

2009-02-09T10:44:00.002-05:00

Most astrology guides just say a lot of generic positive things that could really apply to anyone. This is not the case with Sextrology. As the title suggests, signs are broken down by gender and examined accordingly.

I am a Virgo and I’ve never felt entirely at home in the House of the Virgin as Virgos are commonly summed up as “perfectionists” which anyone who knows me, will know that a perfectionist, I am not. Well as I revisit Sextrology the more convinced I become that I am, in fact a Virgo—but as convinced as I am, a large part of me was always a little disappointed because I always felt that my astrological house limited my potential as a creativity entity, as Virgos are described as the “empty vessel” taking on whatever roles the people around us need to be filled, and as people determined to service and other (what I always found) to be kind of demeaning roles. In each section, there are a number of random facts about each sign, including famous people who share your sign. There are a few cool Virgo women, but for the most part they are lackluster. I had some free time this morning so for fun I skimmed the Virgo Man section. What a fucking rip-off. All of this time I felt like I was inherently disconnected from my creativity by fate of my astrological house, horrifyingly enough I had begun to resign myself to being ultimately, creatively useless. Then I see the outstanding Virgo men, just to name a few: John Cage, BB King, Otis Redding, William Carlos Williams, John Locke, Theodore Dreiser, Jorge Luis Borges, Itzhak Perlman, Tim Burton, Elvis Costello, Louis CK (see how I snuck that last one in there?). I mean jesus christ these are just the ones I remembered from glancing at the list this morning. John fucking Cage. I was so outraged that I had spent so much time preparing myself to be a vacant shell of a person in large part because I thought I had no choice in the matter, it is what the Cosmos had decided for me. The fact that I’d let what a stupid astrology book says forfeit any creative pursuit I had hoped for is another case entirely, but still. I realize that Sextrology looks at astrology from gendered perspectives, but it is these kinds of gendered ideologies that made me feel so worthless. Now I have to add this to a growing list of reasons why it sucks to be a woman.

*Please note, all of this happened before 9am so now I’m already emotionally exhausted. I realize there are a lot of things still to be said about this but its monday morning and I'm not up for it.

Louis CK: Hilarious

2009-02-07T00:05:00.007-05:00

Well friend, a fantastic night all around for me. As you know, I went to see Louis CK perform at the Egg tonight. Todd Barry (of The Wrestler and Flight of the Conchords) opened (he opened for him the last time Louis was in Albany) and he was very funny. For some reason someone in the audience shouted out "HOT DOGS!" when he first came out, and that became kind of a recurring thing. But Barry was kind enough to lend Albany this slogan: "Buffalo can keep their goddamn wings. We have Albany hot dogs!"

Louis came right out (I love the no intermission) and he was on for about an hour. This is the fourth time I've seen his stand up (two of those times were on DVD...one of which we watched together)--Anne, this was his funniest ever. I'm a total CK dork, I check his website, subscribe to his YouTube channel and I've watched him on a bunch of talk shows (my favorite appearances are on The Daily Show) and this was the funniest I'd ever seen him, I was blown away. There was a point where I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It wasn't only that I couldn't breathe, but also forgot HOW to breathe and I thought "oh god, I'm going to die," it was pretty serious. And then I was afraid to a laugh for a minute or two in case I forgot how to breathe again. Eventually I emotionally recovered from my not being able to breathe scare.

After the show, Louis and Todd signed DVD's so I got in line and was FREAKING out. You know how I get around people I admire (i.e., I get insane) I met Todd first and he signed his DVD that I bought, I said he was great on FOTC (which he was) and made some decent, not to awkward small talk. Then, well I tanked. Louis and Todd were standing right next to the table where I had just purchased the merchandise and the cellophane was still on the packages. When I went to meet Louis, I was shaking like a leaf and he reached his hand out to get the DVD to sign, but instead I shook his hand like a weirdo. Then I was trying to get the wrapper off with my shaky hands. Thankfully he said "Oh, I'll get that for ya" and opened it for me (otherwise I'd still be there trying to get it open) and he signed it and I said "I'm really excited for This Side of the Truth" and he said "Oh yeah, I think it's going to be really good." So you know, not too bad. Then I did what I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T DO. I asked if he'd met Karl Pilkington. Why does my brain do this to me? I was having a semi-normal conversation with LOUIS CK why the hell couldn't I forget about Karl? Obviously my brain is determined to ruin me. Anyway he said he met him briefly on the set of the movie, and then I displayed an embarrassing level of information about the progress of the movie. In my defense anyone who reads Ricky Gervais's blog (and that's a lot of people) would know just as much as I do. Blurgh.

To sum up:
Louis CK is funnier than ever, he was really nice, and I'm an idiot.

p.s. "Hilarious" is the name of this tour. It IS Hilarious, but it's also part of one of his jokes.

Spoiler Alert: The Murders in the Rue Morgue

2009-02-01T14:20:00.004-05:00

I know that you find my love and respect for Karl Pilkington baffling, and more than a little annoying. The following is a true series of events.

For my Detective Fiction class, I had to read Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Murders in the Rue Morgue." I wasn't really looking forward to it because I don't enjoy Poe all that much. Anyway, so I was reading along, highlighting what I thought were important facts of the crime being given by(in my opinion too many) witnesses. It was a horrible double murder and it confounded the entire Parisian Police Force (big shock). So I was just reading along and suddenly struck me, "HOLY SHIT A MONKEY DID IT!!" I really had to talk myself down from that one. "Eileen, this is Poe we are talking about here, not fucking Monkey News." And as it turns out I was wrong. It wasn't a monkey. It was an Orangutan.

Why You Are My BFF

2009-02-01T00:42:00.003-05:00

Me: Sometimes I think I have a learning disability.
You: Me too!
You: About myself
You: And then I look down on kids who have learning diabilities but let it get in their way, because I was able to overcome.

Like A Phoenix Rising From the Ashes: I'm Back!

2009-01-09T15:47:00.001-05:00

Oh buddy, I can’t believe that it’s been so long since I posted on our blog. What could possibly explain this lapse? Could it be that when we are in the same city I prefer sharing my exciting tales of adventure with you face to face? Or is it simply that Albany makes me lazy, and thus that I have no tales to tell? It’s most likely because I’ve spent the past three weeks hanging out with you and haven’t felt the need to recap, since I was under the impression that you are the only person who reads this. BUT OUR READERSHIP HAS DOUBLED! Unfortunately, I have no stories of mystery and intrigue to write about today, since I have only been awake for 10 of the past 36 hours. Rest assured, however, that I refuse to take my duty to our fan lightly, and that I pledge to update at least once a week from here on out.

You’re welcome, internet!

Fierce: adj., menacingly wild, savage, or hostile

2008-12-17T10:41:00.004-05:00

As an avid fan of all things fierce and all things Beyonce, I was listening to "I am...Sasha Fierce." She has a song called Ave Maria, not a cover of the Schubert aria, but a modernized pop version of it (I know buddy, I know). I'm not a huge fan of religion but I have always been moved by Schubert's Ave Maria, so I was listening along and it was nothing special. But with every chorus I was getting more and more annoyed, because when she sings "Ave Maria," in the chorus she rolls the "r". It is the only "r" she rolls in the entire song. Last time I checked Beyonce's song is in English. And in English, we don't roll "r"s (I know this because I can't roll an "r" to save my life). So to superficially adopt the rolled "r" in just one word for the entire song annoyed the beejeezus out of me. Unless you are singing the "Ave Maria" in Italian, keep your rolling consonants to yourself.

On a brighter note, I'm done for the semester! My final final was this morning. I thought it was really unfair because all of the questions were biased towards students who went to class occassionally. The psychology of a person taking a multiple choice test when they aren't that familiar with the subject is an incredible thing. At least mine was. I was trying to figure out if certain one's were trick questions, if he deliberately defined words wrong to confuse us so we'd think it was the right answer but it was actually wrong, etc. One question was about policies the Chinese government were thinking of adopting to prevent Taiwan from becoming fully independent and one of the choices was "make loud noises at the leaders of the Taiwanese government" (I'm pretty sure that wasn't a practical policy alternative for the Chinese government.) Here is a list of things I learned in my Post-Utopian China class, and literally all the information I had for my final:
1. I don't want to go to China
2. If you live in the far west regions of China, life sucks.
3. If you are a woman and live in the far west regions of China, life sucks even more.
4. If you live in Southeast China, and aren't a migrant worker, your life is slightly less sucky.
5. Women in China commit suicide a lot.
I knew I was in rough shape when at one point I said to myself "Oh, I think I remember that from a documentary from Mr. Petersen's class...."

China Is A Country.

2008-12-17T01:11:00.004-05:00

You obviously wrote about Nosferatu, the cornerstone of German Expressionist cinema.

And of course you are right, surely Space is miraculous enough to warrant an annual celebration, new planet discovery or not. We need to find sparklers again and maybe we should try making the cupcakes from scratch this year?

I studied again tonight for almost...half an hour. Which brings my total study time to 50 minutes! Clearly I am sufficiently prepared to be examined about Post-Utopian China. Go on, ask me anything. I dare you!

"SWV (Single White Vampire) seeks Hot Chicks"

2008-12-15T14:38:00.002-05:00

I think you're forgetting, buddy, that space itself is enough to celebrate on Space Day. Your implication that you need something more was almost the end of this friendship, but then I reread the part about how you walked into a bookcase and realized you've got a tough life, so I forgive you.

I thought you might enjoy a few excerpts from my notes from a movie I had to write a paper on. See if you can guess what movie it is!

-Hutter cuts towards his thumb! That's not very safety conscious of him!
-Why isn't that man wearing pants?
-Vampires dig hot chicks
-"New Plague Baffles Science"
-Everyone is dead!
-How far can you possibly carry your own coffin through a crowded city before someone notices?

Here's a hint: It's not Twilight.

I Forgot To Ask...

2008-12-14T23:27:00.003-05:00

...Did your professor discover a real planet? Or just another Pluto-esque planet? Am I going to have to rebuild my Styrofoam solar system from 7th grade again?

On the bright side, we may actually have something to celebrate on space day this year.

Puns Used To Be The Highest Form Of Humor

2008-12-14T23:12:00.002-05:00

Which is why I love the title of your last post so much. Being the neglectful friend I am, I just saw that post now. For a few days I was consumed by deadlines for papers and was basically dead to the world. Now that I have just one multiple choice final standing in between me and a completed semester...I'm still basically dead to the world. I, obviously, blame you. If you hadn't told me about that stupid website (which shall remain nameless) I would NOT have lost the past 72 hours of my life to Dexter, Weeds, and True Blood. I did work, but only two four hour shifts, which were hardly worth getting up for. I have to work from 9-3 and 6-11:30pm tomorrow so I guess it's a good thing I've done nothing but vegetate for the last 72 hours...I'll be well rested. Except that I haven't been sleeping well, because I haven't really done anything to make me tired. I'm in a sad state friend, and cannot wait for your return home.

I am horribly unprepared for the final I have on Wednesday, but it's multiple choice and it's a gen ed so I can only bring myself to care so much. Every week in class we watch a movie, and I almost always skipped those days, so I was looking information about them up on Wikipedia. Studying for almost a steady 20 minutes has wiped me out. That's how fried my brain is right now.

I have absolutely no entertaining stories for you my friend. I was going to try and make one up, but like I said, I studied for almost 20 minutes and I'm only human after all. So I'll leave with an old (but so far untold) story of my social awkwardness/general clumsiness. I was walking by an old professor's office and saw he was in there. I popped in to say "Hello," we chatted for a few minutes, I turned to leave and walked into a bookcase.

Out of This World

2008-12-09T23:09:00.004-05:00

In the interest of not having the most recent post be something EXTREMELY embarrassing, I thought you might like to know that a U of R professor, who's class I took this semester, was on the news tonight. She discovered a new planet. She was on right after the story about future-senator Fran Fine.

I think the local news airs stories in order of importance to the universe.

My Loneliness Is Killing Me

2008-12-08T15:39:00.003-05:00

I know you don't drink, buddy, but I think it's important that you know the rules to the Scream drinking game. Lonnie and I played it this weekend, and it resulted in some horrible things. Well, they were horrible for me. You would have been wildly entertained had you been there.

RULES:
1. Every time someone dies, drink.
2. Whenever you see any kind of blade, drink.
3. Every time another horror movie is referred to, drink.
4. Whenever someone alludes to the fact that Sydney's mother is a whore, drink.
5. Every time Courtney Cox is wearing something LIME FUCKING GREEN, drink.

Using only those rules, Lon Lon and I drank enough to stumble to campus, do karaoke (Hit Me Baby One More Time), and wander around the residence halls talking about Anna Paquin's...you know... for about an hour before finding someone we knew and having fun with dental dams. But not the kind of fun that you're supposed to have with dental dams.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, is that you'd love the Scream drinking game and that we should get a bottle of rum and live it up when I get home.

Your Plan Backfired (shocker!)

2008-12-02T23:37:00.002-05:00

The pun you posted (in an attempt to spite me) was a hit at work today. I made two more friends. So there.

Post of Spite

2008-12-02T12:04:00.002-05:00

I had planed to write an incredibly interesting and witty post to make up for not writing anything at all in the past couple of weeks. But then Eileen made fun of me, and so out of spite I'm just going to tell a pun.

What kind of pussy does a priest get?
Nun.

Midmorning motivation

2008-12-01T12:10:00.003-05:00

Received this e-mail from my mother:
Do you want to read this book that I have called DEWEY The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World?

You know I am bad at keeping my accounts in order. I have more than once suffered the pain of being charged a $35 overdraft fee for overdrawing 67 cents or some other ridiculously small number. Today I feared that iTunes had fucked me by charging me for a movie rental a week after I rented it. My balance was dwindling in the single digits, and I was sure I was screwed. Or was I? Turns out, I had an extra $16! Granted, that is not a large sum of money, but in these tough financial times any little bit helps. It's amazing what a simple thing like finding out you had a little bit more money than you thought to put a spring in your step.

Divine Inspiration

2008-11-30T22:40:00.004-05:00

Not surprisingly, I am procrastinating. It's hard to get work done because the only thing that can really force me to be productive is when a paper is due the next day, reinforced by the growing urge to fall asleep. As neither of these conditions is present at the moment, I'm trying to do everything other than work.

In that spirit, I'm wondering what motivates people to do things. I mean I only "work" when I have to. But I also only do things I enjoy when I have too. In my insufferable creative writing class, all of the students walk around with their notebooks, jotting things down, writing awful poems (that they think are brilliant), documenting their thoughts. I've never thought or felt anything that pressing that I was compelled to document it (either in writing, in a song, in a piece of art, etc.) Which is why I have tons of blank Moleskine notebooks. I feel like one of the few people that can read something, or look at a piece of art and literally not think a thing. My mind will be a complete blank. Often in those situations there is someone near by who needs feedback, so I have to jump start my brain and I'll tell myself "Quick, start thinking something!!" Does this happen to you?

This dilemma has been put into sharp focus because 1) I have a final portfolio for Creative Writing due on thursday, and have yet to execute a poem I'm even slightly pleased with; and 2) my roommate's band is rehearsing in the living room, and I see all of their notes and lyrics and I wonder where they come from. I'm starting to worry that I simply lack the imagination to create something from scratch.

I frequently think about some of my heroes (Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant) and how they are able to develop so much about a character and communicate so much to the audience with a simple gesture. How do they do it? How does someone create The Office? It is mind-blowing. Just the simple act of Brent straightening his tie, or his smile/grimace--there is so much nuance and genius in it...It boggles the mind. I'm not even aiming that high really. I'm not expecting to make something like the office, or write a song like "Poses"--I just don't want to be a complete hack. Thoughts?

The Coiffeur Strikes Again!

2008-11-24T11:19:00.003-05:00

I was on the bus this morning, making my usual commute downtown and we were stopped at a light by the Capitol. This is without doubt one of my favorite parts of my commute, as there is nothing I love more than staring at the confused State Workers in their floral skirts, opaque tights, white socks and white walking shoes. But today, on this dreary, gray, November morning, their was a ray of sunlight. A man in his mid-thirties had a run-of-the-mill bad haircut. However (and I cannot emphasize this enough) instead of having the usual rat tail, coming from the back and bottom of ones head, this gentleman and his visionary coiffeur inverted the traditional rat tail and decided that having the "rat tail" coming out of the right side of his head would be a fantastic idea. It should go without saying that I agree completely. It takes the white trash factor of a rat tail, and combines it with the practicality of the hair wraps you got in middle school (where they wrap thread and beads around a chunk of hair). It created an unstoppable force (much like Sasha Fierce). Oh friend, the beauty...I pray it will never fade from my memory.

Cat Calls and Novelty Cups

2008-11-22T18:54:00.001-05:00

If they had an award for “most irritating pop song of the early 90s that it also the catchiest,” it would most likely go to “Tom’s Diner.” That might be why all of my coworkers yell at me when I start whistling it at work. I can’t help it, it’s just what naturally comes out when I start to whistle! Regardless, it might be worth my time to try and retrain myself. And so, as I was leaving work the other night, I changed my tune. After getting two notes out I realized that what I was whistling sounded nothing like what I was trying to whistle, and so I gave up. However, what I was whistling did sound alarmingly like a cat call, and I unfortunately made eye contact with a gaggle of freshman who were standing at the top of the stairs. Sorry, ladies, for the unwanted (and inadvertent) sexual attention.

In other news, my landlords brought over a bunch of cups that they were going to throw out, which can only mean one thing. That’s right; I’m drinking my gin and tonic out of a comically large pink, plastic martini glass, though “glass“ might not be the right word here…

Second Post: Not As Much Pressure

2008-11-21T11:07:00.002-05:00

Hey Buddy. Knowing me as long as you have (since high school) you know that I am many things. First and foremost however, I am lazy. In true celebration of my laziness, my first attempt at an unbelievably difficult task will be to make a shadow puppet show for a presentation in one of my English classes. Can you think of a better way to fill 5-7 minutes of the class's time? I can't. As usual, I am trying to compensate for a complete lack of substance with the little bit of charm I can muster. At this point, I'm torn between cutting out doll like shapes and gluing Popsicle sticks to the bottom, or drawing a frame by frame progression of my tale on overhead projector sheets. I'm leaning towards drawing on overhead projector sheets because it will be a brilliant showcase for my outstanding stick-figure drawing talent. And where better to display said talent than in an upper level English class?

I will keep you up-to-date with my progress. We will know if I have succeeded on the day of the presentation--December 2nd. Hopefully I'll have some mock ups to show you while you're in town for Thanksgiving. I have a really good feeling about this.

First Post, SO Much Pressure!

2008-11-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, hello, and welcome to our blog. The general idea of "If They Can Do It So Can We" is to allow the whole world to be exposed to the potential hilarity of a conversation between my fellow blogger and I. However, due to the fact that we, more often than not, go on and on about boring an unimpressive things, "If They Can Do It..." will also have monthly (or weekly, depending on how ambitious we are feeling) installments of Eileen and I attempting to complete a ridiculously difficult task. We will most likely fail miserably, and you will have the pleasure of reading about it. I am maintaining that my ridiculously difficult task for the month is starting a blog. Your turn, Eileen.